A million words and a million faces run across my sight every day. The only one that seems to linger for more than a second is yours. In those few moments I wonder what you are doing and how are you feeling. I wonder if you can feel the same emptiness I do at certain times throughout the day.
My mind may linger on you longer than it does anyone else.
But you also leave my thoughts as soon as you appear.
I tend to have to force myself to move on to the next thing in the back of my mind. It’s not an easy task but I do it because its what is best for me.
There’s no need to open up a wound that was given to God for healing. God knows what is best. He has a plan and it has not changed.
But even so, it has taken a great amount of strength for me to let go and let God. I struggle with it on a daily basis.
The temptation to text you every little detail about my day gets to be too much. But I bite it back and tell myself “no good will come from it.”
When you give something this big to God you are putting all your faith and trust in Him to handle the situation according to His plan.
One thing I have learned through this heart breaking destruction is that God has never left my side. He has always put me first even when I put Him at the bottom of my list of chores.
God is not a chore. He is not a last minute thing if you have time at the end of your day. He is not something you can just brush off because you are too tired from work or from taking care of your kids. He is the one that makes it possible for us to wake up every morning to be able to handle our responsibilities.
If He thought that the next morning or next troubling time was too much to handle He would save us from the catastrophe that would follow.
So hear me when I say this; don’t take it as me ignoring you if I do not respond. If I do not send a text saying “Hey. How are you?” it doesn’t mean I do not care. Because if I were to be honest I would say I still care very much. When I don’t respond or acknowledge that you were ever this huge part of my life and that I loved you with all of my heart, it’s because I can’t. If I do, nothing will become of it, and I will be back to square one.
I gave you up for God to control because I knew it would literally kill me if I continued on my own. I did it because I do care and you were a big piece of my heart and my life and I know you always will be. I did it because I know God has more control and better ways to fix what is broken than I do.
Only He can fix the pieces of our broken hearts and make them new. He has a plan for us. His plans has not changed and I will follow Him where He leads me. I hope you will too.