6 Pieces Of Advice You Need To Follow If You Actually Want Your Long Distance Relationship To Work

Selma Broeder
Selma Broeder

There’s no doubt that finding love is a tough task. It seems as though everyone around you has settled in nicely with seemingly good partners. Partners who have stable jobs, come from good families and have mainstream interests like movie-watching and crochet. But maybe your love story has played out differently. Perhaps your hectic work hours keep you from hitting the social scene. Or maybe you’re having a hard time getting over your ex. Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve fallen devastatingly in love with someone who lives in another part of the country. Or a different country, for that matter.

A long distance lover puts a wrench in the entire concept of romance, doesn’t it? In the beginning, your feelings are so profound. In your mind, it’s like a Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers kind-of situation, isn’t it? Two people who just can’t be together because earthly circumstances have screwed with their destinies. But then, the whole thing starts to become kind of a chore. Keeping the romance alive with a long distance lover is tough. Spontaneous date nights, surprise lunches at the office or a midnight massage are what great romances are made of. But when sweet gestures are riddled with expensive phone bills and the need to buy airline tickets, it’s hard to stay interested in your long distance lover for the long haul.

But there are ways to endure a long distance relationship until the day the two of you are actually together forever..

1. Lay out your expectations right from the beginning

Unless you’re happy living the rest of your life without your long distance partner full-time, there is no point in sticking things out. Relationship experts say long distance romances only work if there is an “end date” in sight. Keep that in mind when laying out your expectations. And be sure to lay out your wants and needs right from the beginning before things get too deep.

If you want to be monogamous, let your partner know. If you want to date each other casually as you explore romantic options “closer to home,” state these preferences clearly to your partner. Heartbreak is painful in any capacity. But these feelings are magnified in long distance relationships, since reading facial expressions and being part of someone’s day-to-day life are not an option.

And be sure to state your end goal when laying out your expectations. One person must be willing to move eventually if this romance is to have long-term potential.

2. Take advantage of modern technology

There was once a time when long distance relationships were restricted to old-fashioned telephone calls. But with today’s technological advances, you can speak for hours on end at a fraction of the cost. Phone calls used to take place over traditional phone lines. But Wifi now lets you make calls for free through mobile apps like Comwave’s ephone. It’s relatively new, but can honestly save you hundreds of dollars in a long distance relationship. The free VoIP app like the ePhone can be used to make and receive free calls to Canada and the United States. As long as you’ve got an internet connection, you can speak to your long distance partner as much as you please. For free!

Experiment and exploit all of your technological options to keep this long distance relationship alive. Phone calls and video chats make up the bulk of your relationship when face-to-face visits are not always an option.

3. Pursue common interests

Perhaps the both of you like foreign films but can’t get to the theatre together to enjoy them. That shouldn’t stop you from watching your favorite movies and analyzing them together afterwards. Set up long distance book clubs, stargaze as you chat on the phone, or watch an episode of your favorite TV show and call each other afterwards to discuss. Just because you two live in different cities doesn’t mean that sharing hobbies should be left in the dust. Explore each other’s emotions via common pursuits and get creative when expressing your thoughts about various subject matters. You may be surprised to find that your long distance relationship lacks more depth than your friends’ same-city romances!

4. Make an effort for frequent in-person visits

In-person visits should be considered a romantic treat as opposed to a chore. Be on the lookout for sales when it comes to train and airline tickets and make the trek out to see your partner. Plan vacations together or agree to meet each other in a city that is considered “half-way”. And make the most of your time together. Don’t waste precious hours re-hashing the technicalities and logistics of your relationship. Rather, take this time to pursue your common interests and one another’s company face-to-face.

Relationship experts say successful long distance arrangements consist of frequent in-person visits, which bring about the feeling of normalcy and much-needed intimacy. Also, inject some spontaneity by surprising your long distance partner with impromptu visits. After all, that spontaneity is what great romances are often made of.

5. Try to speak once a day, every day

If frequent visits are not possible at this time, settle on daily phone conversations instead. Hearing your partner’s voice each day will give you reassurance that this relationship is on the right path. As mentioned earlier, long distance phone calls are so cheap (and sometimes free!) that maintaining frequent communication shouldn’t be a difficult task. When looking for a phone carrier, opt for smaller Canadian firms that are able to provide lower rates. Telecom companies like Comwave are well-known for competitive pricing and have residential apps like Comwave’s ePhone app. Apps like this allow you to speak to your long distance partner via an incoming phone call as opposed to an outbound line. The end result is cheaper phone bills, meaning you can spend those saved dollars on an airline ticket to visit your long distance partner instead!

6. Talk about your future together

Fantasize and discuss your end goals, assuming you want to live together one day. At some point, the long distance romance must come to a close. One person must relocate to where the other lives. Otherwise, you’ll be in a perpetual state of longing with no end in sight. Talking about how you’re going to get there will reassure each other that all your efforts are not in vain. You must keep an eye on the bigger picture if you don’t want to be discouraged by the day-to-day hardships that long distance relationships entail.

As mentioned earlier, finding true love is a difficult task. But some romances are worth the effort and the wait. Modern technology has allowed us to feel closer to one another, even though we may be oceans or continents away. If you happen to meet that special person on vacation or you hit it off with someone just passing through on a business trip, keep an open mind to the possibility of finding your soul-mate under the most unlikeliest of circumstances.

A long distance relationship doesn’t have to be a grueling journey. As long as there’s trust, honesty and hope for a brighter future, love can prevail between two partners no matter the distance between them! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Michael Rantowski

More From Thought Catalog