Michael Malice

My big concern was that going on a cruise would be like going to Vegas, except on water instead of in a desert.

Having abs (for me at least) is like having gone to Harvard: It’s the sort of thing you have to mention within minutes of meeting anyone.

What do Bill Kristol, Jeb Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Ted Cruz, and Glenn Beck all have in common? Donald Trump has destroyed their will to live.

Every political ideology has its own factions. In order to define themselves, members of these groups often engage in the “No true Scotsman” fallacy.

6. Photos with someone else’s kids

While Hillary may be president come 2017, in 2015 she’s basically Kimmy Schmidt.

2. The driver will be extroverted.

1. It holds corporations and the government to different standards.