The Vine app started out as what seemed to be a promising creative outlet for talented people to exhibit their original content. It gradually became a cesspool of unoriginal, self-obsessed heathen children and confused adults who haven’t really found their place in life yet.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some true diamonds in the rough if you browse around. Vine offers some incredibly humorous and creative folks, but the majority of the true talents don’t manage to reach “Vine star” status, aside from Nicholas Megalis and Jason Nash.
From narcissist teens flooding feeds with useless material to the overabundance of “be like” and “that moment” vines, the drivel bogs down the quality entertainment. Let’s take a look at Vine’s most unbearably awful content creators.
13. Jack Dail
You’ll notice a trend of generic, no-talent Vine teens on this list. Jack is one of the most prominent self-satisfied teen tools. His videos all consist of exceptionally lame jokes you’ve probably heard a thousand times. Here’s the catch: He’s good-looking and puzzled about his ethnicity. Therefore, uncultured preteen girls flock to him.
This girl wouldn’t know originality if it plowed her with no condom. Clearly her large following was earned by appearance, because her vines could have been thought up by any learning disabled person who happens to have the app. Don’t wade through her page unless your faith in mankind has already been lost.
11. Christian Delgrosso
Do you like screaming and silly faces?! If so, you’ll love this kid considering that’s the extent of what he has to offer.
10. Alexander Hotti
If you’re capable of crudely dancing to music then you can do exactly what this kid does. Occasionally throw in a “that moment when” scenario and you’re golden.
Definitely give this girl a look if you’re interested in shit that has been dead and buried. All of her “comedy” is material already done by more imaginative Viners. I actually have a closer relationship with AlliCatt than these other hosers. Roughly a year ago I got into an altercation with some “popular page” lady who made one of the most hackneyed videos I have ever seen. I questioned why it was popular. Someone in the comments responded, “Cuz it’s relatable.” I replied “This is Vine in a nutshell, and the problem.” Anyway, Allicattt jumped in despite having no involvement. She pulled out the trite “You jus jealous cuz you not famous like us” defense. I made a Vine making fun of this situation, which StrayCattt then revined. It got quite a bit of attention. Mostly grammatically-atrocious attacks about me being jealous of braindead “Vine famous” girls who have nothing enlightening to offer anyone. I ended up deleting it, marking the end of our rocky love affair.
8. Brent Rivera
Although it pains me to do so, I have to tear this child apart. He seems like a genuinely nice young man but that doesn’t excuse the fact he defines “derivative.” Watching him is like scrolling through really bad memes that target 12-year olds. “When your mom…” “When your crush…” We get it. You make relatable content, all of which has been done before.
7. Ronnie Banks
Based on appearance Ronnie is an adult. The unnerving thing about his Vines is they uncannily resemble those of the “generic Vine teen.” At times his material can be slightly more comedic than trash from the aforementioned persons, but he ranks so high on this list simply because HE’S A GROWN MAN. I’ve been worrying myself sick wondering if he’s going to do another Instagram follow spree.
6. Brittany Furlan
I couldn’t rank her number one but I want it on record she’s the worst. Brittany has fake tits. That’s it. Not much else to say here except she frequently releases Vine collabs with black guys in which she has them to do stereotypical black things for the sake of likes. It unsettles me that the young black men in her videos degrade themselves like this. Here’s the general synopsis of her Vine collabs: “Black guy checks out white girl’s ass, steals TV and eats fried chicken.” This is not even a joke. Brittany take your talentless flat ass to the Vegas strip where it belongs. You’ll have more success in being a hole than you ever will in acting. Of course, there’s no way Brittany will ever see this suggestion. She can’t read.
Here we have a vainglorious Bieber-esque teen who solely uses the app to tell young girls what they want to hear. “You’re beautiful no matter what, girls.” Seriously, dude? It couldn’t be more obvious you’re only concerned with gaining followers who will tell you how great you are. Chris often delves into life advice as well. “Just be yourself!” Very thought-provoking and inspiring. I’m definitely going to accept guidance from a 16-year old with earrings who hasn’t faced any struggle besides his mom buying cereal doesn’t like.
4. Boris Laursen
Don’t even bother watching his Vines unless you enjoy a closeted egomaniac showing his abs while One Direction songs play in the background. Sadly, those factors encompass his “talent.”
3. JORDAN BLAIS
The first time I came across this fella’s profile I literally thought he was some sort of troll mastermind. I mused, “There’s no way this is serious. He’s trolling. He has to be joking. For the sake of humanity this MUST to be a character bit.” Turns out Jordan isn’t trolling. Flexing and smiling is purely what he does.
2. Curtis Lepore
Ah, the infamous rapist who celebrated pleading guilty to a felony, publicly bashed his rape accuser and then continued pathologically lying. Curtis doesn’t know how to make a Vine unless he has a cast of characters in it. These collaborations always end up being either slapstick or a crack about him being different than black people. We’re aware of cultural differences, Curtis. We’re aware you’re white. We’re also very aware you’re a self-absorbed bag of shit. I honestly cannot understand how people have continued supporting this chunk of human filth.
1. Nash Grier
If you don’t know the name by now you’re living under the best rock ever. Nash is followed by more than 8 million people, mostly consisting of misguided preteen girls. He gained popularity by being attractive and having blue eyes. He now uses his unwarranted influence to spread ignorance. Nash is not afraid to inform the public he hates gay people, which shocks me due to his obviously homosexual persona. He’s unlikeable enough as is, but his benighted lack of personality and arrogance make him far easier to detest.
It’s like they always say, “If you haven’t contemplated expunging your existence from this miserable society just peruse Vine’s ‘Popular Now’ page.”