Every week I come across another laundry-list of articles about the ideal partner. Some of these are generalized lists about alluring qualities in the opposite sex, while others basically tell men or women what they should look like and do. In fact, I recently read what was essentially a boyfriend quality checklist in which this girl described the man she’s searching for. To sum it up, she wants “a guy who’s gorgeous in every area and as obsessed with Harry Potter as I am.” Good luck hun!
My quintessential qualities in a mate are reasonably undemanding, considering my definition of “attractive” is very broad. I find beauty in nearly all women, but understandably have some characteristics in mind. Here’s what I’m looking for in my way better-half.
1. Nice Hair
Exceptionally all-embracing here, seeing as how I consider most women’s hair to be nice. There are two major ‘dos which I don’t qualify as cute, however. One is the partly shaved look. It appears this girl absolutely lost her marbles, went to town on one side of her head and came to her senses midway through. I’m sorry you were forced to close down your oxygen bar back in 2003, but you don’t have to make everyone around you as miserable as you are. Next is the unkempt, down-to-the waist hair. I imagine every girl rockin’ this was valedictorian in high school and a proud dagger collection owner.
I’m very into clothes and shoes, so I would prefer the girl I’m dating to also be. Many different styles are striking to me. As long as a girl knows her style and wears it well I’m a fan. Dressing down is more than acceptable, but only on occasion. Typically this implies a girl is active. I’m not into the t-shirt, yoga pants and sneaker everyday look. Did you roll off your frameless, vomit-stained mattress and just throw shit on before going out in public? “But it’s comfortable!” Yeah, you should get your life together though.
3. Able to hold a good conversation
Sorry, I can’t talk about weather, celebrities and the struggles of daily life forever. I desire meaningful discussions in which we share our viewpoints, passions, fears and all the ridiculous thoughts occupying our minds. At some point I might deeply crave your opinion on funnel cake and racial segregation. The lady I spend my life with must be able to articulate these views.
4. Passionate about things
No, the beach and getting drinks don’t constitute things you’re passionate about. I’m immensely passionate about everything that interests me. I do stand-up and write comedy. As a matter of fact, I write a great variety of stuff. I’m arguably too interested in rap music and hip-hop culture. I love old horror and thriller films. The list could continue for awhile. Clearly I have a lot going on in this obsessive-compulsive brain of mine. I need a girl with unique interests who is incredibly spirited about them.
5. Tolerant of rap music
You don’t need to have Gucci Mane lyrics tatted above your boobs. I simply ask for a woman who can at least put up with my rap obsession. Hip-hop is an enormous part of my life, as sad as that sounds. A relationship with someone who hates rap earnestly wouldn’t work.
6. Not afraid to dance
I’m not asking for someone who makes their ass clap and tears up the dance floor. Just somebody who isn’t afraid to get out there and enjoy dancing with me. Something beyond plainly grinding your ass into me, obviously.
7. Not a partier
I don’t drink, but naturally don’t have an issue with someone who does occasionally. What I can’t hack is a girl who feels the need to go out and get drunk weekly, or even more frequently. If that’s your “bag,” I can only feel sorry for you. It indicates you haven’t found any real meaning in life. I’m not here to cart your sloppy ass home from the bar where you probably just blew a whole biker gang. I want a girl who can have a wonderful time without the booze.
8. Capable of making female friends
Due to negative experiences in the past I have been avoiding the “I just make better friends with guys,” girl. “I have mostly guy friends.” Let me guess, is it LESS DRAMA? It’s always the same justifications with these ladies. They believe girls are catty and cause DRAMAAAA. Perhaps I’m a bit of a jealous guy, although it’s not an overbearing jealousy. Admittedly my insecurities likely play into this. When you’re in a relationship there’s no reason to hang around 8 dudes, all of whom have made previous attempts at banging you. No reason outside of loving male attention, that is. Keep telling yourself other girls are catty, ladies. The majority of the time you’re the problem and absolutely love surrounding yourself with guys who want to have sex with you.
9. Okay with watching old horrors and thrillers
Every now and then I feel like kicking back and watching a Hitchcock film. I fancy a young lass who can do that with me and find some fun in it. Who doesn’t enjoy some quality suspense or a good scare? Many girls I’ve spoken to, apparently. One time I told this girl the name and year of a movie I was watching, and she replied with, “Why would you watch something that old?” I made the smart decision and didn’t respond ever.
10. Open to new things
I’m not referring to stuff in the bedroom like putting spiders on each other’s butts, or whatever freaky people do. I mean anything in general. Something one or neither of us have experienced before. For example, I’ve never gone camping. The very idea of it makes me want to drink bottles from under the sink, but I’d be willing to give it a whirl if my partner wanted to.
11. Compassion and warmth
Coming across as needy is the last thing I want. When I have feelings for someone, I consistently make them aware and provide the reasoning for these feelings. I’ll inform the girl what makes her stunning inside and out, and share with her the emotions these enticing qualities bring out of me. Honestly, I would hope for at least a little reciprocation. Call me a pussy but I need to feel special and desired at times, too.