This Is Why I Can’t Be ‘Just Friends’ With You

I can’t be “just friends” with you because I can’t just look in your eyes and not remember how we used to talk every single day. How we greet each other good morning once we wake up, and say our goodnights before we sleep. How we tell each other every thought that we have. How we share each other’s stories and laugh. How we talk over the wee hours of the morning—not minding if we have work early tomorrow. How we go through a petty fight and make up through the night.

I can’t be “just friends” with you because I can’t just ask you how you are and not be reminded of how we stopped talking one day. How the stories stopped. How the good morning and goodnights stopped. How the world we created suddenly stopped. How the calls, the fights, everything stopped.

I can’t be “just friends” with you because I can’t just smile at you like you never hurt me. Because you did. You hurt me. And I hope you are aware of that. You hurt me when you said we’re just friends. You hurt me because I’ve always thought we were more than that. You hurt me because you made me feel special. And you hurt me because I thought you loved me.

I can’t be “just friends” with you because I can’t just laugh with you and pretend that I am no longer hurting. Because I still am. Your words are still lingering in my mind, flowing through my veins and piercing to the deepest part of my heart.

I can’t be “just friends” with you because I can’t just hang out with you and no longer feel what I used to. I can’t go to our favorite coffee shop and not miss how we order each other’s favorites. I can’t go to our favorite music bar and not miss how we sing together when our favorite band performs. I can’t just be with you and forget these feelings I have for you. I can’t just touch you like I never loved you.

I can’t be “just friends” with you, or maybe not yet. Because I, one day, wished we can be more than that.

But you pushed me away.