To The Perfect Guy That I Should Have Been In Love With, But Wasn’t

Marvin Meyer

On paper, you were everything I was looking for: smart, funny, well-rounded, caring. You always treated me with the upmost respect and sincerity, taking me out anywhere I wanted and buying me countless gifts. Forget being treated like a princess, you treated me like the freaking queen.

You sent me a good morning text every day and called me every night before bed. When you asked how my day was, you actually cared about my answer. When I got a haircut or wore a new blouse, you noticed. When I decided to cut out dairy from my diet, you bought me soy ice cream.

You were a dutiful, attentive, and an overall loving boyfriend. Yet for some reason, something was off.

Despite our intense conversations, I found myself bored. Despite our romantic dinners, I found myself hungry. Despite your attentive compliments, I found myself unappreciative. Despite having the perfect boyfriend, I found myself single.

Maybe perfect on paper does not mean perfect for me.

Maybe you did everything right but that left no room for our relationship to grow. Maybe I want someone who is imperfect, yet somehow still perfect for me. Falling in love goes further than taking me out and treating me nicely because that can be done with anyone. You can find someone, treat him or her to dinner, and have a conversation. That person is interchangeable. But there are few people in this world that we feel a real spark of chemistry with.

I would trade all of the dinners and the gifts and the good morning texts for a spark of electrifying and unexplainable romantic chemistry. One of the most frustrating parts of life is that we do not get to choose whom we have chemistry with. It could be a certain look a person has, like a cute dimple or curly hair, that just appeals to you. Sometimes it’s a quirk in their personality, like a dry sense of humor or unique perspective on life that just clicks with yours. Maybe it is a combination of random pieces of someone’s personality that forms a puzzle that just you can fit into.

But your puzzle was neatly put together, and there was no room for my misshapen pieces. I don’t need picture perfect – I need perfect for me.

Perhaps you let me boss you around too much, and I need someone to put me in my place from time to time. Perhaps you were too passive, and I need someone to challenge me. Perhaps your jokes weren’t that funny, and I need someone who I never stop laughing with. The problem is I don’t know exactly what caused the detachment.

No matter how many ways I try to explain why I no longer want to be together, you are still left feeling confused. Sometimes you just need that spark and no matter how badly I wanted to share some sort of romantic passion with you, it was missing. I am sorry this is hard to understand because you feel that you are doing everything right. I am sorry that love is a mystery. I tried so hard to fall in love with you and give you what you wanted, but at some point, I need to be selfish and ask myself, is this what I want?

You have amazing qualities and yes, I never disagreed that you were the ideal boyfriend. But I need more. Just being a good boyfriend is not enough; it does not make up for a lack of chemistry, passion, and desire. That’s what I want. I hope you find your spark, and I hope I find mine. And please, no matter what, never stop being the kind, caring, and devoted boyfriend you showed me you could be. It wasn’t enough for me, but there may be someone else that fits perfectly into your puzzle. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

During the day, Melinda works in advertising and pursues writing in her spare time. She is passionate about learning new things, dogs, hummus, travel, and wine (in no particular order).

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