1. Daydreaming pretty much constantly—about what you’re going to eat next. You could be mid-snack and already thinking about what’s on the menu precisely two hours later, when you’re destined to feel the pit of hunger rise up again.
2. Walking the aisles of the grocery store verrrry slowly, carefully considering each and every single item—even foods you’ve never consumed before—because you’re suddenly verrrrry open-minded towards all things edible.
3. Doing a double take whenever you pass a mirror because you can’t quite believe how big your boobs have already gotten.
4. Taking copious boob-centric selfies because you might as well have a record of your giant breasts to look back on once they sink back down to their normal size.
5. Getting angry at your wardrobe because things are already starting to fit differently if they even fit at all (you might not have a bump, but there’s plenty of bloating!), and it’s getting a lot harder to get dressed in the morning.
6. Sneaking off to the bathroom to stretch out the waistband of whatever you’re wearing that day, or maybe just to sit for a few quiet minutes where no one can bother you.
7. Regularly Googling yourself down a rabbit hole of questionable Internet advice about what’s happening to your body and what will happen as your belly expands over the next nine months.
8. Swearing off the Internet once and for all because you just can’t stomach all the mommy blogger fear mongering anymore.
9. Until there’s yet another pressing question you can’t fight the itch to answer, so you begin the Google-til-you’re-terrified cycle all over again.
10. Muttering a stranger’s name under your breath right after meeting them to see if it makes the cut for baby name consideration.
11. Washing your hands five times a day just in case. You were never a germaphobe until you realized that NOT being a germaphobe might put you and your fetus at risk.
12. Giving anyone who dares to cough around you the stink eye.
13. And feeling zero shame whatsoever about relocating if the person next to you on the subway sneezes, sniffles, or presents some other random, barely detectable symptom like redness of the eyes.
14. Patting your tummy instinctively because you still can’t quite grasp the awesome reality that there’s a tiny little human developing inside you.
15. Jumping instinctively at every unexpected noise.
16. Changing your underwear frequently because there’s stuff oozing out of your vagina with shocking frequency.
17. Watching other parents in action and quietly judging their skills while simultaneously pledging to do way better.
18. Researching the cost of daycare when you get a spare second at work and then promptly freaking out over the cost of having a kid.
19. Fighting the urge to watch birthing videos.
20. Scouring photos of celebrity baby bumps and measuring your progress against theirs.
21. Reassuring yourself that you’ll eventually get your body back by scouring photos of friends who’ve had kids and bounced back since.