Thought Catalog

This Is Why Your Ex Still Misses You, According To Your ‘Love Language’

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Expert Gary Chapman has pinpointed the five main ways we love, which impact how we behave and who we are overall.
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1. Physical Touch

They miss your ability to connect instantly through the simplest of gestures. The soft, gentle feeling of your palm against their shoulder after a long day, when you could sense that they needed a “touch” of reassurance. The tenderness with which you caressed them in the middle of the night when you could tell, instinctively, that they were tossing and turning more than usual. The positive energy you exuded whenever you hugged them tightly. Your insistence on a goodbye kiss before walking out the door every single time. Your expertise in the art of cuddling. Your ability to know exactly when they needed to feel safe and loved through the power of human contact more than anything else.

2. Quality Time

They miss your sincere desire to be around at all times—to soak up every last bit of them, as if being together were the most important thing in life. The way you looked deep into their eyes when you engaged them in conversation, whether you were talking about a major global issue, or what you should have for dinner that night. Your insistence on paying attention—to connecting through being present—which made them feel so very special. They miss your ability to enjoy prolonged silences—to appreciate the very act of being in the same room with a loved one without having to do anything, necessarily, other than be.

3. Words Of Affirmation

They ache for the sense of comfort and contentedness you could trigger in them, even on the worst day ever, just by saying kind, truthful things. By injecting dull, dark moments with the uplifting commentary and positivity that comes so naturally to you, you could flip their mood and the entire vibe of any given situation. Your ceaseless support through vocal encouragement meant so much to them, whether or not they fully understood that while you were dating. Since parting ways, they’ve probably tried coaching themselves in the bathroom mirror to fill the void, but doing so only emphasized just how valuable your persistent, heartfelt flattery really was.

4. Receiving Gifts

Every tiny meaningful gift you presented to them has a place in their heart, whether they chose to hold onto all those relationship mementos or felt compelled to burn them in some kind of cleansing ceremony. While objects can be turned into ashes, you cannot set fire to the goodness imbued in well-intentioned gifts. They miss the way you turned so many dates into events worth remembering just by saving a keepsake from all the restaurants, bars, and other places you visited. The earnestness with which picked up little trinkets randomly on the way home because those items made you think of them. The way your eyes twinkled when you could sense that they were pleased with something you gave them, no matter how much it cost.

5. Acts of Service

They yearn for the warm, fuzzy feeling they experienced whenever you did something nice for them, which was often. The way you shelved your needs temporarily in order to run an errand for them because you honestly cared more about enhancing their life experience than you did about easing your own burden. They miss the genuine satisfaction you managed to derive from doing things for other people because, at heart, you are a generous human who enjoys making sacrifices for loved ones. TC mark

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