The Best Way To Win Your Heart, According To Your ‘Love Language’

If you want to court someone effectively, you have to understand what kind of love they’re most receptive to (expert Gary Chapman’s narrowed it down to five main types), and act accordingly.

Damian Borja
Damian Borja

1. Quality Time

If you want to impress someone who values quality time above all, give them your undivided attention every single time you hang out. Triple check that your phone is on silent before getting together, because people who appreciate QT are turned off by outside distractions and those who respond to them too readily.

In planning a date, focus on simple, traditional activities that allow you to get to know each other, like dinner followed by a casual stroll through the park. Choose quiet restaurants and bars where you can actually hear each other speak. And don’t bother with the typical banter about the weather or your daily commute. To prove that you’re interested in who they are as an individual, pry a little deeper with thoughtful questions that provoke more revealing conversations (e.g. What’s your biggest fear? What do you really want out of life? Who do you look up to?). Make eye contact as often as possible and always listen intently. Your main objective should be to make them feel as if being in their presence is your number one priority.

2. Words of Affirmation

For some, actions don’t speak louder than words at all. If you’re dating someone whose love language is words of affirmation, the way to their heart isn’t through grand gestures. Don’t try to wow them with anything other than kindness and positivity.

In complimenting them, avoid hollow, generic statements such as, “You look great!” Instead, get specific and tell them exactly what you like about the way they dress, act, work, etc. You want to encourage them through considerate, warmhearted observations. Take every chance you get to doll out well-meaning niceties to others, too. By going out of your way to thank your waitress or taxi driver and by smiling at strangers in passing, you’ll show your date just how polite and pleasant you are, which will make them feel safe. Your goal should be to ensure that every experience they have with you is as warm and fuzzy as possible.

3. Physical Touch

Let’s get something straight: People who respond to physical touch above all aren’t more likely to sleep with you or to get freaky in bed. It’s critical not to confuse physical touch with sexual stuff. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to introduce touch without getting naked.

As your date passes through doorways, guide them ever so gently with your hand on the small of their back. Help them in and out of their jacket. As you walk, always hold their hand. Take them to places where you can sit side by side as you chat, and touch their shoulder tenderly whenever possible. If it seems appropriate, maybe even place a hand on their leg. During a movie, lean towards them and squeeze their arm or thigh a little throughout the film. In the car, reach across the console and squeeze their palm briefly just because. In saying good-bye, always aim for a memorable embrace, whether you make out or not. It’s possible to make a hug really count if you hold someone tight enough. Once you’re sleeping together, definitely plan on lots of cuddling and spooning. In general: Fewer words, more impromptu back rubs.

4. Receiving Gifts

Those who truly appreciate gifts aren’t any more materialistic or greedy than the rest of us. It’s not the object that moves them so much as the meaning behind it. The smallest gestures won’t go unnoticed by someone whose love language is receiving gifts, so shower them with frequent reminders that you’re thinking about them.

You don’t have to spend money to do this. You just have to get creative. A gift can be as simple as texting a silly meme that reminds you of the object of your affection. You might also surprise them with a box of matches from the bar where you first met—a tiny memento they can hold onto forever. Everyday demonstrations that you care are critical, but it’s even more important to mark all the important days in some small but meaningful way. Make note of every relevant birthday, holiday, and anniversary and plan on celebrating them all somehow.

5. Acts Of Service

In some cases, actions really do speak louder than words. If you’re trying to win over an acts of service type, don’t sweat over compliments or physical displays of affection. Instead, wake up fifteen minutes earlier than your boo and vacuum the house or do the dishes before they get the chance to. Show them you care by staying mindful of all the little ways you can make their days go by more smoothly. For instance, pick up the mail for them on your way in, throw a load of laundry in, or call up customer service to check on that WiFi connection so they don’t have to. Be proactive about helping around the house and running routine errands on their behalf. They will be grateful for every way in which you serve their daily needs. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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