The Best Compliment You Can Get, According To Your ‘Love Language’

Expert Gary Chapman has pinpointed the five main ways we give and receive love, which impact who we are overall.

Twenty20, pop.roxana
Twenty20, pop.roxana

1. Quality Time

The best compliment you can get when you’re fluent in quality time doesn’t come in the form of a positive statement about your looks, brains, or personality. It arrives in the form of someone choosing to spend time with you above doing something else. You want the people you love to be there for you, literally. When your significant other surprises you by ditching their friends an hour earlier than planned to meet up with you, or returns from a business trip a day early just to see you that much sooner, it means more to you than any flattering comment ever could.

2. Words of Affirmation

Yes, you like reassurance in the form of spoken words. But you don’t crave hollow superlatives (e.g. You’re, like, the most amazing person I know! You were probably voted most likely to be perfect forever in high school!) or super flowery language, necessarily. What you want is honesty coupled with insightfulness. You want to be told WHY your partner loves you, or WHY you make them happy. You respond to specific, meaningful comments. You don’t need to know that your top suits you so much as you need to understand that the way you wear your confidence inspires others.

3. Physical Touch

You ache for the comfort of human touch—the reassuring sense that you’re not alone in the world. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than a heartfelt pat on the back from a friend, or a hug that lasts a few critical beats longer than normal. You want to be caressed, tenderly, at the end of a long day by your loving mate. You want to high-five all your colleagues or teammates after a big win. You want to be told, through mindful demonstrations of physical affection, that you are a wonderful person deserving of care and attention.

4. Receiving Gifts

Nothing says “you rule” quite like the meaning buried within a particularly well-timed, well thought out gift. The objects that make you smile widest might have zero value in dollars, but they bear tremendous weight in terms of what they mean to you. It could be as simple as a love note scribbled on a Post-it that your significant other places on the bathroom mirror for you discover right when you wake up on a big day. It could be a beautiful bouquet of flowers from a friend who couldn’t make it to your birthday dinner. It could be a v-neck heather grey t-shirt the day after you spill a glass of red wine all over yourself. It’s all about the thought that went into it.

5. Acts of Service

You want breakfast in bed on a Saturday morning after a long week. You want to arrive home to find your partner cooking a fabulous meal for two on an evening when it’s technically your turn to cook because they sense you could use the break. You want someone to tell you how awesome you are through their willingness to take on some of the day-to-day burdens you face. When someone puts the time and effort into servicing your needs this way, you interpret it as the greatest compliment possible. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Click here to learn more!

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