Thought Catalog

50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up (And Make You Look Like A Genius)

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Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

1. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

2. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

3. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

4. If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.

5. Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

6. I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.

7. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

8. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.

9. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.

10. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

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Poetry Lovers! 💖

Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love.

“I bought this on a whim to read as I was resting for the night, and I do not regret it one bit! Everything about the poetry in this book is amazing, heart breaking, and soul searching. It will lift your spirits on your darkest days. I want to thank the author so much for writing this, as it’s something I will be rereading a lot! Always remember, everything about you is important. You matter.” —McKayla

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    Those are freaking awesome I wish I could carry them around with me

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    dang!!! It takes a total badass to carry out these remarks flawlessly!

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