50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up (And Make You Look Like A Genius)

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Daniella Urdinlaiz
Daniella Urdinlaiz

1. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

2. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

3. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

4. If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.

5. Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

6. I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.

7. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

8. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.

9. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.

10. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

Done laughing at jokes and ready to make money? Read this article busting investing myths now!

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Click here to learn more!

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You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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    Those are freaking awesome I wish I could carry them around with me

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