Thought Catalog

30 Dumb Blonde Jokes That Will Actually Make You LOL

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Clueless
Clueless

1. Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

2. Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?

So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.

3. How do you keep a blonde busy?

Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.

4. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

5. Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?

Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”

6. What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?

“OMG! Donut seeds!”

7. What’s every blonde’s dream in life?

To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.

8. How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?

You’ll find Wite Out all over the screen.

9. Why do blondes love boob jobs?

It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.

10. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

“I wonder if it’s mine.”

11. Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?

Because they say “concentrate.”

12. Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?

She was trying to make apple juice.

13. What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

They both swallow a lot of sea men (aka semen).

14. How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

15. Why don’t blondes talk during sex?

Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.

16. Three blondes walk into a building.

You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.

17. How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.

18. What do screen doors and blondes have in common?

The more you bang them, the looser they get.

19. What do you call a blond with an actual brain?

A golden retriever.

20. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?

Someone told her drinks were on the house.

21. What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

22. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?

Microwave them.

23. Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?

To avoid getting hearing AIDS.

24. What do blondes and dog shit have in common?

The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.

25. How do you confuse a blonde?

You don’t. They’re born that way.

26. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

27. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

She was desperately trying to make up her mind.

28. Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?

She couldn’t find the eleven.

29. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing out all the W’s.

30. Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears?

Because they’re desperately trying to hold in a thought. TC mark

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Click here to learn more!

This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
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