34 Weird Thoughts All Healthy Couples Start Having When They’ve Been In A Relationship Forever

1. Maybe we should each make one of those laminated lists of the five celebrities we’re allowed to sleep with if we ever get the chance, like Rachel and Ross do on Friends.

2. At what point is it acceptable and/or necessary to propose a threesome?

3. Have I found the best genetic match for my [sperm/eggs]?

4. I wonder if our hypothetical kids will inherit his/her [insert best and worst physical characteristics].

5. I wonder if our hypothetical kids will inherit his/her [insert best and worst personality traits].

6. What if our kids turn out to be sociopaths, or just people we don’t really like all that much?

7. If one of our kids is a genius, or a natural born performer, or an outstanding athlete with Olympic potential, which one of us would shelve their career to manage the little one’s?

8. Who will be the hotter old person, and what will we each look like when we’re wrinkly and incapable of wiping our own ass, or bending over to put our own shoes on?

10. What if one of us ages dramatically faster than the other?

11. What kind of ailments will each of us develop as the years go by?

12. Maybe we should look into cryogenics so we can preserve our bodies at below freezing temperatures together, and eventually meet our great great great grandkids.

13. Maybe we’ll be one of those couples that stays best friends forever, and eventually die, holding hands, within minutes of each other.

14. Could we handle a true crisis together—like a Hurricane Katrina grade natural disaster, a nuclear war, or a zombie apocalypse?

15. How long would we last in the world of The Walking Dead (we all know it’s totally possible), constantly on the move, desperately seeking food and shelter? Which one of us would break first?

16. If one of us needed to for whatever terrible reason, would they be able to eat the other to survive?

17. Maybe we apply to appear on Naked and Afraid so we can see if our survival skills are well matched.

18. Would my partner kill to save me?

19. I really hope neither of us gets cancer. Would I even be a good nurse?

20. If we ever win the lottery and become mega rich overnight, would it change the dynamic between us?

21. If my significant other could climb inside my head and read all my deepest, darkest thoughts, would they still love me as much?

22. Do I really have it in me to do this monogamy thing forever?

23. If I cheated, would I have the strength to lie about it?

24. Will this person always be right for me?

25. I’ve met such a tiny percentage of the world’s population. What if there’s someone slightly more right for me out there currently residing in Thailand, or Russia.

26. What if I start taking some kind of extracurricular class in middle age because I need a new hobby and I fall for my instructor and we decide to run away together?

27. If my boyfriend or girlfriend leaves me, how long would it take me to get my shit back together? Could I?

28. If someone dies unexpectedly, is there an appropriate amount of time you have to wait before dating again?

29. If one of us were paralyzed from the neck down, would we make it as a couple?

30. What if one of us develops a serious addiction?

31. If we have to enter the Witness Protection Program one day, what would our names and new identities be?

32. What’s most likely to push us to the breakup edge? Infidelity? Bankruptcy? General disinterest?

33. Is boyfriend/girlfriend capable of leading a double life? Am I?

34. I wonder what dirty secrets my boyfriend/girlfriend has left to share. I know they’re in there.