3 Things I Wish People Would Stop Doing

image - Flickr / Manuela Montanarelli
image – Flickr / Manuela Montanarelli

1. I wish women who claim to be strong and independent would stop expecting men to do things for them simply because they’re women.

This is the most confusing to me. I’m all about strong women. There are so many beautiful, independent and self-motivated females out there handling business like the bosses they are. However, there’s a significant amount of females who just don’t seem to grasp the concept of “equality” in its truest form. Obviously, we know the main points of what we want: the right to vote, the right to sexual freedom, the right to run for office, the right to have equal paying jobs… I get that, and I’m in total agreement of it. The part that doesn’t register to me is where women want all of this… but also expect special privileges with traffic violations, having men pay for their dinner on dates, or even certain job opportunities simply for being women.

Let me be clear, I personally don’t care how women exploit the system; if you can get where you need to go by flaunting what you got, then by all means, do what you’re gonna do— but it just confuses me because if you’re doing that, I don’t really see how you can demand “equal treatment.” That doesn’t seem “equal” to me. I truly believe women who genuinely want to be treated as equals don’t take shortcuts. They don’t flirt with the executive director at their firm to jimmy open a backdoor entrance to a promotion. They work hard for it, go through the interviewing process and have enough stats and qualifications to show they deserve higher compensation. Please ladies; every time you huff at a bouncer when he doesn’t automatically give you VIP access to a club you had your heart set on, you’re not only hurting the progress the rest of the women are fighting day in and day out for mutual respect, you’re also conditioning men to think you’ve given them the consent to view you like an object. You’re okay with it one way, but you’re not okay with it in another. Am I the only one that finds this confusing??

2. I wish men would stop trying to be heroes in new situations when they haven’t fully dealt with their old ones yet.

Guys, we get it. You like to be the protector, the provider, the breadwinner… You like that feeling of being able to take care of the ones you love, which is awesome. But you can’t save anyone without preserving yourself first. I can’t even begin to list off how many men I’ve encountered that are totally into their new relationship, wanting to take care of their new girlfriend/wife/family/kid when they haven’t even begun to address the heartbreak that came out of their previous relationships. And before I continue, I’m aware that this is a human error where men and women alike have trouble confronting hurt from the past. However, the way that men in particular tend to deal with things is to avoid old responsibilities by distracting themselves with new ones (women tend to serial date for a while, vent to unsuspecting men about how their last guy was an asshole and then eventually find one that they’re not mad at. Not saying that’s any better, but for this particular subject, I’m going to focus on men. Deal with it). Not okay. Especially if you promise the woman in your life that you’ve got all your shit together when you really don’t. If she’s agreed to be in a relationship with you, she needs all of you, not half of what’s left from the last she-devil that you never fully got over. Genuine friends and family who want to see you shine your brightest will understand the time you need to take for yourself in order to put the pieces back together.

Let me put it to you this way; say you have only vehicle that you need to transport yourself to work and everywhere else. If somebody asked if you had a spare tire and you didn’t, would you give them one of the four you have on your own car? That’d be a bit foolish, wouldn’t it? Not only can you further damage the person you’re trying to “save” when you haven’t dealt with your issues, you can also end up seriously resenting this new person you’ve invested so much time in because you realize in hindsight how much time you really do need to yourself. No one’s discouraging you from saving the day, but just know that if you’re taking that responsibility to save the day… then save it and don’t flail at the halfway mark because you didn’t think it all the way through.

3. I wish people in general could have a more humble view of life rather than argue about semantics.

Sure, it’s nice to win an argument from time to time— especially when you know your points are irrefutable and the person you’re arguing with is a complete moron— but to have a driven vendetta to smack down every opposing view like the hand of God every. Single. Time. Can get seriously tiring and played out. Let me help with some of the most common hot buttons. Abortion? Her body, her business. Your body, your business. Homosexuality? Their butthole/lady parts, their business. Your butthole/lady parts, your business. Religion? Their beliefs, their business. Your beliefs, your business. See how easy that was? It’s THEIR business vs. YOUR business.

If a doctor came into a cold room and told you what your options are to handle someone/something that is harbored inside of you — that becomes your business. If a gay man is trying to rape you and commandeer your heterosexual brown eye— that would very quickly become your business. If a group of people came to your doorstep and wanted to torture and kill you because they don’t like the book you choose to read in the morning (mind you, this is actually something that happens in other countries right now) — that too, becomes your business. Can we appreciate the fact that we can choose what our business is living in a free country? Who the fuck really cares if you’re wrong or if you’re right? The point is you have the freedom to be either and not suffer consequences for having an opinion. Who knows how long that will last given our history and our future outlook? Hopefully, in my lifetime, I’ll always be able to exercise my right to freedom, but I know well enough not to take it for granted.

I just wish more people felt the same. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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