I’m Done Feeling Insignificant

I always dreamed I’d find someone whose heart skipped a beat when I entered the room. Someone who would find me beautiful and mesmerizing no matter what I do. I hoped they’d never take their eyes off me the same way I couldn’t peel my eyes from them.

Yet here I am, fighting for attention that’s already spread between Reddit threads and pornographic videos. It doesn’t matter if I’m sporting a sexy cocktail dress or my birthday suit. Somehow I’m simply insignificant.

Don’t I deserve someone who finds me worthy of their time? Am I not stunning enough to garner the attention of a lover? I’m done feeling insignificant in the eyes of the ones I love.

I hoped I’d find someone who appreciates my constant curiosity as much as my wit and wanderlust. A friend who joins me in the good times but still loves me when things flip upside down. My heart simply longs for a permanent companion who tackles life with me hand-in-hand.

Yet here I am, left on read with no reply unless the world’s on fire or someone’s hanging on by a wire. It doesn’t matter if I helped them through their darkest moments or grad school days. Someone else is more important and I’m dismissed as obnoxious.

Don’t I deserve someone whose dedication matches my own? Am I not worthy of companionship and unconditional love? I’m done falling insignificant to those whom I adore.

I always longed for recognition for my dedication and work ethic on any project I take on. Appreciation for my valiant efforts and ingenuity. I hoped the stress and strain would eventually be rewarded, making the pain all worthwhile in the end.

Yet here I am, barely getting by while others slide on procrastination and a sprinkling of talent. It never matters that I slaved through the night or carried the weight of three. Someone else will reap what I sew time and time again.

Don’t I deserve my fifty seconds of fame or at least a “job well done?” Are my efforts merely all in vein and matter to no one? I’m done seeming insignificant while others steal the show.

I hold little value in my appearance and even less in my brains and brawn. I constantly belittle my accomplishments and tell people who compliment me that they’re wrong. Isn’t there something wrong with that, though? Is there a flaw within the story inside my head? Maybe the one who sees me as most insignificant has actually been me all along.

Well, I’m done feeling insignificant in the eyes of everyone. I’m done accepting the internal monologue of insults just as much as from anyone. I refuse to continue this vicious cycle of self-loathing and dismissal from everyone. It’s time I see myself as someone worthy of both life and even more so of love. I’m done feeling insignificant. I’m just done.

Writer. Mental Health/Disability Advocate. Mom. Lover of All.

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