1. They are happier. Attractive girls are not happier than not attractive girls. Girls who are happy are more attractive. Girls who are happy, who walk with a bounce in their step, who smile at you, who are excited to see, and make you feel loved appear more attractive. It has nothing to do with whether or not the girl could make the cover of Vogue. Happy girls are attractive because of the genuine warmth and friendliness they portray.

2. They don’t complain about their bodies. Attractiveness has nothing to do with a women’s self-esteem and personal body image. A woman who complains about her body is likely doing so because of the years of being forced to believe that she is unattractive by unrealistic expectations.

3. They actually don’t complain much, period. If a girl is complaining to you that her life sucks, she is likely not complaining to you so much as seeking advice. This should make her more attractive because she trusts you enough to confide her insecurities in.

4. They wear dresses. A girl is most attractive when she is comfortable with herself — whether that be in a dress, heels, sweatpants, a bikini, hair done or hair not done, make-up or no make-up. A girl is herself when she is most comfortable, and any girl is most attractive as herself.

5. They make a guy feel special. Attractive girls make the people in their life who are worth it feel special. But don’t ask a girl to make you feel special if you don’t deserve it.

6. They are kind. Attractive girls are kind to those who deserve kindness. But attractive girls also stand up for themselves when they need to and practice a no bulls**t lifestyle.

7. They never talk about exes. An attractive girl has had a life before she met her current partner. And that past has shaped the attractive girl she has become. Her partner should want to share in that past so they can learn and grow from it together.

8. They let me take the lead. An attractive girl knows her stand on things and will not back down. She does not let a man take the lead, she knows where she wants to go on her own.

9. They aren’t dead fish in bed. Attractive girls will not let a man dictate how much sex she should have. She will f**k as often or as little as she likes.

10. They aren’t businesslike. An attractive girl has a career she is proud of and wants to talk about it because it is part of who she is. Her partner should be excited to and want to hear about it because it is part of what makes her an attractive girl.

11. They cook. Sure, maybe an attractive girl can cook. But she may not. My grandfather cooks every meal, every day. Does that make my grandmother unattractive? No.

12. They’re encouraging, but not bossy. I think Beyonce’s “Ban Bossy” video campaign says it best: I’m not bossy. I’m the boss.

13. They’re athletic. Sure, maybe an attractive girl is athletic. But maybe she’s not. If she works out, it’s for herself, not you.

14. They drink in moderation. An attractive girl knows how to have a good time. Whether that is with or without alcohol. An attractive girl is comfortable with herself and trusts her friends to not judge whether she decides to go out and rage or stay home and knit.

15. They keep our couple secrets. An attractive girl is confident enough in her relationship to confide in others when she needs to. An attractive girl’s partner is confident in her to know that she is sharing with her friends for advice or to bring you closer to them.

16. They’re close with their parents. An attractive girl is close with the people who are most important to her — whether that is her parents or not. It is naïve to think that everyone has the best parents or even the best family, and if a girl has rejected her family because they are a negative force in her life, that makes her an attractive girl for doing what’s right for her.

17. They don’t take themselves too seriously. An attractive girl knows when to laugh something off and when something matters. She knows what she’s passionate about, and offers no apologies for standing up for her beliefs.

Most importantly, an attractive girl is not a girl. She is a strong woman.