The One Reason Why Relationships Fail

As we navigate our way through the different peaks and valleys of our lives, inevitably there will be bumps along the way. Whether that means an argument with someone you love, or a difficult co-worker that you’ll have to work alongside- Life will constantly challenge you.

Life will constantly ask of you to be aware of your own emotions. To be in control of your internal world. Otherwise, it will control you.

Because how we respond, means so much more than what actually happens to us in our lives. And at the end of the day, we can either be a victim to our circumstances, or be in control of our emotions and our lives. But we can’t have both.

In my past love relationships, this is something I immensely struggled with. I was never able to speak my mind to someone that I truly cared about. And in doing so, I became incredibly unhappy, and also extremely dependent on the other person.

All in all, basing my entire self-worth and happiness on whether or not the person I was with was happy. Rather than asking myself at the time, whether I truly was.

And quite frankly, that’s why all of my relationships failed- Because I wasn’t being honest with myself and the other person.

When you approach your life from a mindset of fear- from a mindset of lack and not being enough- you’re afraid to stand up for what you really want your relationship to be.

You’re afraid to be yourself and communicate with the person you’re in love with, because you don’t want to lose them. Because you couldn’t imagine living without them.

It took me a long time to finally get to the root of why I would always self-sabotage myself and my relationships. I finally realized however, that I needed to feel whole and confident in who I was first, before I can offer my heart to someone else.

This is something that is so important, because if you can’t fully be yourself and be happy in your own skin, then you are putting so much pressure on your significant other to make you feel whole. A pressure that they simply cannot ever fulfill or live up to.

But the truth is- for a relationship to truly flourish- you both need to be confident and genuine in who you are. You both need to be aware of the other person’s feeling, but also stand up for yourself and what you really want, as well.

For me personally, I’ve always dreamt of a relationship that brought me so much joy and happiness, much like you I’m sure.

But in order for me to finally find one, I first had to learn how to be confident in who I was. I had to love myself for who I really am, instead of someone that I thought I needed to be.

And in a world that constantly wears a mask – that constantly seeks approval and validation from other people- this is one of the hardest things to do. Because it’s so hard to be yourself, in a world that constantly judges you. That constantly tries to tell you that you are not enough.

But I can tell you that once you finally let yourself be as you are and find that confidence from within, your life will change so much for the better.

What was once arguments, hard feelings, and repressed emotions, can now be talked about openly and honestly, with a genuine care for both yourself and the other person.

And this in my opinion, is not just the key to a healthy relationship- but a key to life.

So before we judge, analyze, attack and seek to harm another person that we really care about for something that they’re doing, instead, let’s seek to empathize, understand and show compassion towards them.

Let’s be honest with them about what we want, instead of hiding and burying it away. While also encouraging them to communicate what they want. Thus, finding a healthy balance of what makes two people happy, in order to be together.

Because after all, it is in paving the way for honest and loving communication, that we can pave the way for healthy relationships with those that we love.

It may be difficult at times and something that I am personally still constantly working on, but it is never too late to start. It is never too late to try.

Imagine a world for a moment, in which people communicated openly and honestly. They said what they felt, when they felt it. They said what they mean, when they meant it.

How much better this world would be. How much happier people would be.

But it all starts with you. And it starts with one single decision, that ripples into every person and every relationship of your life.

Will you wear a mask? Or, will you finally start being honest with yourself and who you are?

The choice is always ours.

About the author
Constant thinker, perpetual story-teller and coffee drinker. Follow Matt on Instagram or read more articles from Matt on Thought Catalog.

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