The first time I got my heart broken, I promised myself I’d never fall in love again. But I did. Again. And again. And yes, I got my heart broken again. And again. And again. But the thing is, every heartache feels like the first time.
You don’t have to be in a relationship to have your heart broken. It could be something you really want to do in life but never got the chance to do. It could be someone you look up to but never got the chance to know more. It could be something valuable or sentimental that you somehow lost along the way. It could be anything. We love something (or someone) so deeply and so passionately that we lose ourselves and we hurt.
That’s the thing about people who still believe in love. They fall in love, thinking this a guy is “the” guy, thanking the Universe for finally giving them the perfect person who have always been made for them in the first place. They fall in love with a job that they know they cannot keep up with. They try something they are really bad at, and they fall in love with it.
And then the love they thought was real will end. Just like that.
It’s not easy. I’d have friends asking me what to do, they’re hurting, it’s so hard to fall asleep, it’s so difficult to forget, it feels impossible to go back to normal. And I tell them it’s all going to be okay. And it does, eventually. It gets better, I am always right about that, like I know what the future holds. Because that’s what happens every single time. It hurts, very much, but we get used to that hurt, until that hurt becomes the good, it becomes our better, it becomes our normal. Sometimes, I even ask myself, why do we need to let ourselves dwell on the pain we feel when we know that it will all end up like the last time: we’re going to get over it, we’re going to be okay.
There will be times when we’d still hope, we’d still be optimistic about all of it, because we don’t want to believe that the Universe taught us another lesson we thought we already learned two and five tubs of vanilla ice cream ago. We’d still cling to every single word from that last text message or call, hoping that the last laugh we heard or that last heart emoticon we received wouldn’t actually really be the last.
You’ll wake up in the middle of the night feeling so empty, you’d feel like there’s nothing inside you anymore, like your heart just stopped functioning, because it hurts too much you eventually stopped feeling anything. You want to cry, but you suck it in, because this happened so many times before, you already know it won’t last. So you lay there, feeling nothing.
Eventually, you just accept the fact that some things aren’t meant to be, and that if they are, they will happen one day. It’s okay to love something or someone so deeply. I have been there too. It would always feel like that person (or thing) will never disappoint you. Even after reading this, you still know somewhere deep in your heart, you still love that person, you still want to do that sport, you still love that job. It’s okay to love without limitations or conditions or boundaries. It’s okay to completely accept them, without having to change them in any way. It’s okay to be happy for them, to allow them to grow and to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.
Let them go. If they are meant for you, they will find their way back to you one day. You’ll be okay.