Tonight, I’m Letting You Go

Leo Hildago
Leo Hildago

So I guess this is it, I’m finally saying goodbye to you. I’ve tried to do this several times, but I always fail because I’ scared that one day I’ll regret walking away. I’m afraid that I’ll never meet someone who will read books with me during weekends or be the muse for my poetry.

But I guess it wasn’t you.

I’m just being controlled by the ‘what ifs’ in my mind and if I’m wrong, I will blame everyone for that. I will blame the ocean why its waves never brought us together. I will blame the trees for giving you so much oxygen to breathe when I’m the one who’s breathless. I will blame the empty and the lonely nights for choosing to give me sadness instead of hope.

Because all I ever wanted is you into my life.

I want you when you’re alone and sleepy. I want your flaws. I want the scars on your wrist. I want your dreamy eyes and your dry lips. I want you when you’re drunk and noisy. I want you when you’re feeling alone because my goodness, you’re damn cute with your hands on your face. I want you, I want every fiber of your being.

But I guess that’s all it can be. I want you, but you don’t want me.

And it’s tiring to keep on chasing someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you. I’m done trying to convince myself that someday you’ll see my worth. That someday you’ll realize that behind all the good traits I’ve shown you is an empty heart that longs to be cared and loved. But it’s too late now because tonight I’m letting you go and I’m setting you free.

And it aches because I’m letting someone go who was never really mine physically and spiritually. I’m setting someone free who was never mine to begin with.

It hurts. It feels like I’m burning and blistering but I have to endure this pain.

The race is done. I’m finally surrendering. I’m pulling up the anchor of my thoughts so that I can now sail to the ocean freely without being stagnant in your island.

Tonight, I’m finally saying goodbye to you, not because I don’t love you, not because you’re not good enough, but because I’m done hurting myself for you.

I deserve someone who can love me as much as I love them. I deserve someone who makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed. Because I’m more than the stars you see in the night sky. I’m more than just a human being living in this lifeless world. So I deserve someone who is more than the aches of my universe.

Now I will let you go. And wait for the one that catches me when I fall. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

A graphic artist and writer from Philippines.

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