Falling head over heels in love is a dream come true.
For the Romeo male dating personality, it’s a dream that overrides all else. To feel that chemical rush we all love to relish in. He rides love like he’s on a high-speed bullet train. When it slows down, he hops off and change stations.
And, he’s addicted to the journey. If you’ve ever been in the grip of addiction, you’ll know that once that high is on a downward spiral, another hit – or, in his case, girl – must take its place.
So, if you’re looking for a high-flying ride, by all means jump on board. Just be ready to carry your own bags home.
Are you dating the Romeo?
Your eyes connect, your stomach whirls with butterflies and a cheeky smile tugs at your lips. Sometimes, these moments do turn into genuine love. However, for the Romeo, it’s just the type of situation he craves, to give him that first taste of his favourite drug – all-consuming passion.
You might ask, “what’s wrong with all-consuming passion?” Fair enough. There’s nothing better than looking at someone and feeling overwhelmed with desire. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re heading for a life-long relationship though and here’s where your Romeo weaves you into his enchanting web.
You see, he wants to experience falling in love, over and over again. If you’re susceptible to it, that’s good enough for him. It’s not really about the girl beneath the passion, it’s about speeding towards the ever-increasing rush to see how far he can go.
How does he do it?
By making you feel like a goddess. More to the point, his goddess. He’ll wine and dine you, fuss over you and declare he’s never met anyone like you – all within a week or two. His charm is the fabled quality that makes you weak at the knees and he’ll be there to catch you when you swoon.
By the time you come up for air, you might just believe you’ve found the one, if not for any reason but that he keeps telling you. More than likely, he means it too. But, for him, it’s the exciting emotions he’s in love with, whether he knows it or not. It’s also these very emotions that reveal his addiction.
Tell-tale practical signs of the Romeo
This is the man you might have dreamt of attracting, in terms of being lavished with attention. Not only will he respond to all your texts, he’ll likely text incessantly. Weekends are completely set aside for you and, it won’t be long before he’s talking about how cute your babies would be.
He may have a seemingly insatiable curiosity about you, deep and meaningful conversations last long into the night and the sex will probably set the house on fire. To top it off, gifts, compliments and adoration come hard and fast, until you feel like you belong on the pedestal he’s created for you.
Again, you might justifiably ask, “why the hell is that a bad thing?”
It’s not bad, so much as it is addictive. Just like too much sugar makes you crave more and one glass of wine must lead to a bottle. Before you know it, you’ll be in that ‘swoon’ position gazing at him as if he’s…well…Romeo, more often than you’d like to admit.
It’s at this point you need to harness your inner superhero to slow the speeding bullet train.
How to deal with his behaviour
Though all that attention sweeps you up into the ultimate love fest, it’s kind of like pigging out on the whole box of chocolates. Eventually, you’ll realise you haven’t seen your friends, you’ve neglected work or perhaps you haven’t even left the house in a week, and it’s a little bit nauseating.
When you mention to the Romeo that you’re going out with the girls or having a weekend to yourself, take careful note of his behaviour. He may not bluntly ask you not to go – it’s more likely you’ll receive a passive-aggressive reaction. This might be in the form of cutesy sadness, an out of the blue plan or another sneaky attempt to keep you with him.
This is a very large, red flag telling you to go slow and keep your wits about you. Naturally, most couples in the first stages of love go into hibernation mode, where only each other exists and the outside world disappears. However, when the world does interfere, a healthy dating relationship allows for it.
Not so for the Romeo. Your external life is likely to get in the way of his high. Time away from him will cut off the feeding tube to his addiction and he’ll express all the normal side-effects, including irritation, sadness, resent and even anger.
On the other hand, a man who’s truly interested in you will understand your need for time and space. He’ll be impressed by your self-confidence, independence, hobbies and life-goals. He’ll respect you for showing loyalty and love towards family and friends. He’ll want to help you fulfill your desires, rather than chain you to a fantasy world of his own creation.
Why he behaves as he does
Most addictions start because of some sort of insecurity. For the Romeo, falling passionately in love can mask everything he’s afraid of or doesn’t want to deal with. Regular shots of intense desire for someone effectively drown negative thinking, worry, self-criticism and fear – until they wear off.
This is why he’ll easily jump from one relationship to another, constantly searching for the next fix. He’d rather do this than delve into the realities of life with you, because they only serve to remind him of his own issues.
Why are you attracting him?
Attracting this type of dating personality can be a non-stop rollercoaster of fun and romance in the beginning – and there’s nothing wrong with that. Simply enjoy it for what it is. Dating, after all, is a life experience that brings happiness to the present moment, not necessarily a means to an end. If you maintain this attitude, what you’ve attracted is adventure, not disaster.
The problems start when you ‘buy into’ the Romeo’s outlandish declarations of everlasting love, without good reason. It’s not impossible to fall in love at first sight and move quickly into relationship bliss, but you need to use your intuition to note his behaviour and sense if it’s authentic.
If you get a niggling feeling that he’s insincere, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself a few questions as to why you’re willing to go along with him. Is it because you’re sick of non-committal men and think having any relationship is better than finding the right one? Do you feel like you’re incomplete without a man? Are you still in the grips of pre-conditioned, outdated society beliefs that you’ll be ‘left on shelf’ or need to hurry against your biological clock?
Answering “yes” to any of the above questions is ok and perfectly natural. However, these thoughts are not a good foundation for a healthy relationship. You want a man who loves you for you, more than he loves the idea of love. In order to attract this, you need to invest time in loving yourself and conquering the beliefs that put you in the path of the Romeo’s snare.
What’s the bottom line? If you find yourself in the Romeo’s den, smothered in rose-petals and luxuriating in an onslaught of adoration, enjoy the dating experience. Just keep hold of the key at all times, so you can unlock the door and return to reality.
If he doesn’t like it when you do – don’t look back.