Thought Catalog

What To Do When He Doesn’t Text Back

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@_eatandlove_

You like him.

He seems to like you.

You text him.

He doesn’t text you.

Now what?

It may seem like a minor point, but in the first few weeks of dating, these minor interactions matter. Men read these subtle situations and without knowing it, sense how you value yourself and what priority you are making them.

Texting has been around a long time and has changed the way men and women interact. It’s taken flirting to a new level of convenience, something you can do at any time of the day or night. The problem is, the extra availability has given us has added a level of expectation (and subsequent overthinking) that never used to be there.

Before text, if you went a day without hearing from him, that was… normal.

Now it’s panic stations. It’s given us a whole new way to screw things up by overthinking.

What do you do if he doesn’t text back?

Don’t panic or assume he’s lost interest

The most dangerous thing I see women do in this situation is go straight to assuming the worst.

He could be unexpectedly stuck at work. He could have been roped into a surprise dinner. His phone could have run out of battery.

Remember, there are many, many reasons he may not have texted back, and a significant number of them have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Take no action

Even if you can’t stop a little panic in your head or need to vent to your friends, don’t let it translate to action with him.

Don’t text again asking if he got your message. Don’t give him a follow up call. And under no circumstances send him any derivative of, “Why aren’t you replying. Don’t you like me anymore??”

There is no better way to destroy a budding romance than for a man to return to his phone to find rude, needy, or insecure messages when he legitimately got called unexpectedly away.

Remember your own value

When someone doesn’t reply to us, it’s easy to feel like we’re the one losing. The emotional temptation is to scramble to get him back, as if he’s the prize, and we were the winner who’s about to have it all sucked away.

Stop for a moment and remember this – even if he is losing interest, that’s his loss, too.

When you think of all the value you bring to his life… the energy, the passion, the excitement you provide, suddenly, the picture looks more balanced – and you’ll feel a whole lot better.

It’s not to say you wouldn’t be disappointed if he flaked. It’s just to say that’s his loss, too. There will be plenty of other men keen for what you offer if he gives it up.

Take 48 hours before communicating again

Re-examine your text message. Perhaps, have a friend read it. Ask yourself…

Did it warrant a response?

If the answer is yes, take 48-72 hours before making further communication attempts.

If he still has interest in you, he will respond within this time period, and his attraction for you will grow. You have shown him you have the self-esteem to wait for him to come to you.

If his interest is limited, this also gives him space to grow it again.

If you feel your text did not clearly warrant a response, you may wish to touch base again in 24 hours.

Make yourself happy in the meantime

Do whatever it takes in the meantime to make yourself happy and get your mind off him. Take action on a goal. Go out with your friends. Spend time with your family.

Divert attention back to yourself, rather than focusing it on a guy, who – right now – doesn’t deserve it.

Here’s a few other questions I get asked on this topic:

What if he has been warm and just suddenly went cold? Shouldn’t I just text to keep his interest?

If he’s interested, he will not let it go three days without contacting you. Let him come to you. Same rules apply.

What if he said he’d text me and hasn’t?

If he said he’d text you, it’s best to wait for him to do so. Let the man be the man, so to speak. If it’s 24 hours and you’ve gotten nothing, consider sending a flirty-attraction building text.

What if there is a date or something he’s invited me to that evening? I need to know what I’m doing, because I have other people asking for my plans.

A follow up text, or call, is warranted here.

The more recently he discussed the date with you, the more likely the date is on, and he’s just gotten caught up. If the two of you chatted that day about heading out tonight, but say, he hasn’t responded to your text confirming times, you can send a second-follow up message. “Hey, stop being useless and reply :P Need to know times for tonight; otherwise, am heading out with friends! x.” Then give him two hours before booking in with the girls.

If he’s had plenty of time to reply (but hasn’t) assume the date is off, and rebook. “Hey. Haven’t heard from you, so just FYI am heading out with friends tonight. Can let me know if you still wanna catch up this week xx.”

You want to be investing in a man who invests in you. Texting might seem like an innocuous platform with which to practice this, but it sets the pattern for bigger things, later on. The net result when you wait is you end up only chasing guys who are also willing to chase you, which is exactly the sort of men you want to be attracting. TC mark

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