There are a number of men out there who have surrendered to the belief that all women are overly-emotional and all women are manipulative and all women are untrustworthy and will immediately trade up the first chance they get. These men usually back these beliefs up with absurd arguments about biological determinism and make an array of logical fallacies in the process.
The fact remains, if all of your relationships end in psychological ruin, then that says more about you and less about the entire female population. Your sample size sucks. And your ability to choose a romantic partner sucks.
There are millions of beautiful, confident, emotionally stable, amazing women out there. One just has to know how to spot them and attract them.
1. Drop all games and pretenses. If you ever catch yourself thinking phrases such as: “If I do X then she will think Y,” or “What did she mean by that?” or “What is she trying to make me think about her?” or “I never know exactly how she feels about me,” or “She says A but she does B,” then let her go. It’s bad enough being in a romantic situation where the emotions and sexual interest are ambiguous — that means that one or both of you is incapable of expressing yourselves coherently. But once the meaning of the behavior itself becomes ambiguous, well, that means one or both of you is attempting to manipulate the other one and you’re setting yourself up for disaster. It may not happen right away. It may not even happen soon. But one day, you’re in for a disaster. You’ve been warned.
2. Develop a nose for needy behavior. In my book Models, I define neediness as the underpinning of all non-attractive behavior. Neediness is when you prioritize the perceptions of others over the perception of yourself.
Neediness rears its ugly head in women too. You need to develop a nose for needy behavior, that is, behavior from a woman who values your opinion of her more than her own.
What does needy behavior from a woman look like? Lying to impress you. Fishing for compliments. Being extra sensitive or dramatic in order to gain sympathy. Framing herself as the victim repeatedly to get you to “save” her. Picking fights for completely subjective and irrational reasons. Using the possibility of sex with her as a tool to get you to give her attention and affection (i.e., cockteasing).
It should be noted that we all feel needy from time to time. But there’s a certain degree of neediness that should be a clear red flag, especially if someone is needy to the point of outright emotional manipulation.
The problem with needy behavior is that if it feels normal to you, then it will seem normal in everybody else. I.e., if you regularly put out needy behavior and think it’s acceptable dating behavior, then you will fail to spot it in the women you date.
“Yeah, she lied to me about her ex-boyfriend still calling her, but I think just wanted to make me jealous. So I bought her a new handbag if she agreed to block his phone number. I think it’s a good compromise, right?”
Noooooo! You deserve to be punched in the face. Hold yourself to a higher standard and the people around you will alter their behavior to meet that standard, or they’ll simply cease to be the people around you.
3. Establish a zero tolerance policy for emotional manipulation. A lot of men are able to spot needy or manipulative behavior, but they tolerate it or even rationalize it away. These men are needy as well. The reason they tolerate or justify the woman’s needy behavior is because despite being fucked up and unpleasant, it still makes them feel important and wanted. In extreme cases, these men have such low self-worth that they unconsciously feel they deserve to be manipulated and used.
You must have a zero tolerance policy towards these behaviors. Both in her and in yourself. Be willing to walk away the moment someone close to you begins acting this way. It’s the only way to respect yourself. It’s the only way to maintain strong and healthy boundaries.
Men who excuse this kind of behavior are always going on about change. She’s going to change. She’s getting better. She’s having a hard time but I’m helping her get through it. But these justifications only continue to feed the toxic behavior. When you do this, you’re continuing to feed the victim/rescuer cycle, and, in fact, nothing has changed. And nothing will.
What’s most important to recognize is that the more manipulative behavior you have in yourself, the more manipulative behavior you will attract and encourage in each of the women you date.
It’s of insane importance to work on yourself to get yourself to a place of authentic communication with women. This means not trying to come up with funny texts or ways to convince her to see you. This means not guilting her into spending time with you or having sex with you. This means not creating drama or getting mad at her as a way to keep her closer to you.
There’s a dating karma and what you put out will ultimately come back around and wreck your world.