1. Chasing the wrong one.

You knew that the two of you weren’t going to work out. There were too many warning signs, too many obstacles in your way, too many moments where you thought, ‘hmm…maybe we aren’t right for each other.’ And yet, you stopped listening to that little nagging voice inside and kept calling, even when she blew you off multiple times, or he only texted you after midnight. You kept putting yourself out there, thinking that he/she would change or suddenly realize your worth. But who were you kidding? Some relationships are just not meant to be.

So in the New Year, stop running after people who don’t value you, or give you the attention and care you deserve.

2. Looking for love in unpromising places.

Okay, here’s the brutal truth we all need to hear—you’re not going to find love chasing someone who’s only looking for a one-night stand, or by presenting yourself as a hookup. If your Tinder bio says, ‘Only looking for a good time,’ but you’re secretly hoping that guy/gal will see you as bf/gf material? Not going to work. If you’re only talking to the opposite sex when you’re six beers deep at the bar? Might not be the best place to find love?

This year, stop putting yourself in situations that don’t equate to love, hoping you’ll somehow find it. Be honest with your intentions, change that damn Tinder bio, and don’t settle for less.

3. Shying away from anything that resembles something real.

Okay, we get it. Love is scary. Dating (often) sucks. People aren’t always who they say they are. But if you’re wishing to find something, someone real, and yet run at the first sign of something genuine, you’re never going to find it.

Being vulnerable is terrifying, but it’s the only way to find someone who’s really interested in you, and not just something temporary. So this year, take steps forward. It’s okay to be nervous, it’s okay to not know exactly what you’re doing, it’s okay to think you might mess everything up. But you won’t know the potential unless you try. So try.

4. Not being honest.

Maybe you’re only looking for a temporary fling. Maybe you have your heart set on searching for ‘the one.’ Maybe you’re not quite sure, just letting it all happen. Whatever your story is, you spent the last year (or even the year before, too) making the same damn mistake over and over again—not being honest.

This year, be real—with yourself, with your dates. This is the only way you’ll actually find what you’re looking for. (Without destroying everyone else in the process).

5. Being too passive.

I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, sometimes to get what you really want, or to move forward in a relationship, ‘fling,’ etc. you have to make a move. It doesn’t matter if you think you’ll look ‘too eager,’ or ‘too much,’ or even if he/she hasn’t initiated anything yet.

In the New Year, stop worrying so much about who’s done what, or how you’ll look. If you’re interested, go for it. What’s the worst thing that can happen? (He/she says no and then you weed them out. That’s honestly not that bad.)

6. Being too aggressive.

There’s a difference between making the move and jumping down a person’s throat. You can always reach out and initiate conversation/dates/etc., but then let the other person respond before you’re talking to them again, making other plans, or overwhelming them with your feelings.

It’s okay to feel, but in the New Year also let the other person process, too. You don’t want to be too eager that you scare the person away or be way over the top. Be true to yourself, but also relax and let things happen naturally.

7. Not saying how you feel.

Emotions are a huge part of relationships and connections. If you’re not expressing yourself—and that can be anything from sharing what you want to have for dinner to boundaries/things you’re comfortable with—you’re not going to put yourself in a positive situation.

This year, don’t hold back, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and honest. There’s nothing wrong with saying how you truly feel, especially if you do so in a way that’s genuine and considers the other person’s emotions, (without compromising your own) too.

8. Playing hard to get.

If you like the person, then like them, damn it! We’re all too old for games. And in the end, everyone gets hurt, so what’s the point? Be upfront. You don’t know what you can potentially miss out on if you’re not.

9. Idolizing people.

People are not perfect. So no matter how much you’ve fallen for your significant other, or how amazing he/she appears to be, don’t put them on a pedestal. Not only does this add unneeded pressure to them, but it makes you appear less in comparison, which isn’t healthy either.

This year, love and respect your person, but also love and value yourself, too. You both are worthy of love, but you’re imperfect. And that’s perfectly okay.