11 Strengths You Gain When You Realize Self-Love Is A Process, Not A Fixed Point

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Shwa Hall

1. The strength to accept your imperfection as part of being human.

When you understand that self-love is an ongoing process, you gain the strength of acceptance—of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re headed. You don’t write yourself off as less, simply because of your imperfection. Instead, you understand that you will have both high and low moments, and you realize that your imperfection doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

2. The strength to love your mess, even when you feel unworthy.

When you understand that true self-love is not about reaching a moment of ‘perfection,’ but growing each and every day, you begin to love your mess, your process, your journey. You realize that each step, each moment, even each failure is teaching you more about who you are. And even when you feel unworthy, you know that you are building yourself—a self that’s deserving of love.

3. The strength to understand that there will always be room for improvement, and pushing yourself to greater heights.

When you see self-love as a process, you understand that there is always room for growth. (And this is a good thing.) Instead of falling stagnant, settling, or thinking that you’ve reached your potential when you’re only halfway there, you are continually ready to push yourself to better, to more.

4. The strength to accept other people’s messes and humanness.

When you realize self-love is a process, you can acknowledge other’s imperfection and mess as part of their journeys. Instead of standing in judgment, or feeling as if you don’t fit with the people around you, you can accept and understand that you are all fighting to figure out who you are. And it’s beautiful to join together along that road.

5. The strength to acknowledge and accept the world’s standards, but create your own.

The world has so many guidelines for who and what you should be. When you understand self-love as a process, however, you accept these ‘rules’ as suggestions—ultimately, you can choose to reject them if they don’t fit your story. When you see self-love as a process, you accept that you’re continually growing and changing. And you can follow what the world says, or you can decide to make your own rules.

6. The strength to forgive yourself.

When you see self-love as a process, you know that you’re not always going to be perfect because you’re continually growing. So instead of holding yourself to unreachable standards, or beating yourself up when you’re imperfect, you gain the strength of forgiveness—forgiveness to others when they fall short, and most importantly, to yourself for being human.

7. The strength to start over.

When you understand self-love as a process, starting over isn’t daunting—it’s exciting. You know that you always have room to grow, to shift, to begin again. And you do so with freedom and empowerment.

8. The strength to define what is ‘good,’ or ‘enough’ on your own terms.

When you see self-love as a process, you are comfortable relying on your own judgment of yourself. You know that you are imperfect, but always growing. And you can determine, for yourself, your role or self-worth as you move forward.

9. The strength to keep going.

When you see self-love as a process, you know you are always moving on and upwards. If you fall down, if you fail, if you hate where or who you are right now, you know that you always are on an ever-changing path—so you have the strength to keep going. You are not stuck; this is a process, a journey, and you’re simply on your way.

10. The strength to be proud of your accomplishments, even if you aren’t at your ‘goal’ or ‘desired’ place yet.

You know you will get better, you will restart, you will not forever be rooted to one place. Even if you haven’t met your goals or become your ‘desired’ self, you are positive because you know there is always room to improve.

11. The strength to celebrate how you’ve grown, and acknowledge places where you can grow.

You are proud of how far you’ve come and the person you’ve been shaped into. You can rest, you can enjoy where you are at any given moment, but you also self-reflect (in healthy ways) to see where you can grow. And you look with excitement for what’s next. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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