Do Not Give Heartbreak A Home

girl looking up at the sky, girl with hair blowing in the wind, don't give heartbreak a home, heartbreak, don't let heartbreak control you
Joshua Rawson-Harris

When the person you love walks away, do not build a fortress around your heart. Do not allow a foundation to form, brick by brick, layer by layer, squeezing out the warmth and leaving your insides cold. Do not build a wall in the name of protection, when all you’re doing is isolating yourself.

When the person you love leaves, do not spend all your time and energy pushing everyone out, drawing in chilly breezes and painful thoughts. Do not allow your mind to wander to places where it shouldn’t go, convincing yourself that you will never feel as light and free as you once did. Do not shut the blinds, close the windows. Do not cast away the world that comes knocking at your door.

When heartbreak comes, do not give it a home.

Do not hand it a key to your safe place, built by walls and fear. Do not open the door and make room for it, shoving everything else you care about aside so it can inhabit you fully. Do not let heartbreak put its feet up on the couch, making itself comfortable.

Do not let your heartbreak overstay its welcome. Do not let it reside within you any longer than it has to.

Heartbreak will come. It will come barreling into your life with force, throwing open every closed part of you, oozing itself into the little cracks you’ve tried to ignore for so long. It will be like salt to the wounds, making your body light up with pain. But it will also be dull and numbing, a deep ache that doesn’t seem to fade, no matter what you try to distract yourself with.

Heartbreak will come. It will come sometimes when you least expect, and sometimes when you know it’s headed your way but try to deny it, try to close your eyes, as if that will change the trajectory. It will come slowly, then all at once as you gasp for air. It will come and change the way you see the world, see your reflection in the mirror, see the next steps and days of your life.

But heartbreak is not meant to be a permanent resident.

Heartbreak is meant to be felt, demands to be felt. Heartbreak makes you throw everything else aside and think about what went wrong, what could have changed, and whether or not you’re to blame. Heartbreak shows you the parts of yourself you kept hidden, the ways you loved and lost, and maybe, somewhere underneath it all, how you are better off apart from that person, rather than together.

Heartbreak teaches lessons, gives strength, allows for a point in which to restart, to begin again. It stays. It teaches. It rebuilds. And then it leaves.

Sometimes slowly, sometimes piece by piece, but eventually the feeling of loss is replaced by acceptance. The feeling of pain is replaced by purpose. Hopelessness replaced by assurance. Confusion replaced by confidence. Fear replaced by faith.

So do not give heartbreak a home within your chest. Do not construct an impenetrable building for it to occupy. Do not allow it to lay claim to who you are or will become.

Do not let it get comfortable staying where it is not meant to stay.

You are the owner of your heart, the one who gets to decide how and when you will move on. This process won’t be easy or painless, but it will be worthwhile. You are worthwhile.

Each day you will grow stronger and warmer, even when it feels like you’re drowning in darkness. So hold on. Do not allow heartbreak to reside within you for too long; you must know you are bigger than it. You must know you can, and will overcome.

So feel it. Acknowledge it.
Let it break you. Let it build you. Then let it go. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

More From Thought Catalog