I am not the woman to hold your hand, to lift you onto my back, to bear the weight of your pain on my shoulders alone. I am not the woman who can simply solve your problems with the nod of my head, with the kiss of my lips, with the silence of my fingers intertwined with yours.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to. I want to pull your head to my chest and hold you when you feel weak. I want to wipe every tear, or press my lips to the softness of your cheeks as you hold those tears back. I want to kiss away every ounce of pain and fill your soul with confidence and love, so much so, that you almost forget what has happened or where you’ve been.
I want to be the one to repair every broken wall of your heart, heal every bruise. I want to love you in ways you’ve never been loved, to show you that it doesn’t have to hurt so much. Not anymore.
I want to give you strength in your darkness, hope where there is no light. I want to take everything that’s been ingrained negatively in your mind and rewrite your script so that you see how incredible you are, how beautiful you are to me.
But I cannot fix you.
As much as I want to, I cannot be the woman who saves you. I cannot be the woman who heals you. I cannot be the woman who bears your pain alongside her own. Because I do not have the ability to make your brokenness fade away. Because I do not have the power to be anything more than a person who loves you.
Because you can, and must, learn to save yourself.
I am not the answer you are searching for. I am not this perfect being, worthy of being put on a pedestal. I am fragile and flawed just as much as you are. And to say, to believe, that I somehow have the power to be what you need right now would be so vain.
I am not the one who can fix you. I am not the one who can mend the fractures from the past, or right the wrongs you’ve encountered, or make you learn how to release and let someone in.
As much as I could give to you, I cannot lose myself helping you find you. You must embark on that soul-search alone.
Don’t get me wrong, I love you. I will stand beside you. I will support you. I will never be more than a phone call away.
I won’t run, simply because you’re going through a hard season. I won’t ever turn my back to the relationship we have, no matter how beautiful or messy it becomes.
But I can’t be the one to take your heart and make it whole again.
I can love you with every ounce of my being. I can walk alongside you, supporting you as you both rise and fall. I can put you first sometimes, giving you pieces of my heart so that you feel cared for and confident. I can encourage you and give you strength.
But I cannot heal you, I can only love you.
And sometimes that is simply not enough.
So please don’t lean on me to rebuild you. Please don’t see me as an answer, rather than an imperfect person in your life. Please don’t put me in a place of being a savior whom I am not capable of being.
Please understand that being yours does not equate to being the one who saves you.
And please remember, most of all, that you do not need ‘fixing,’ but rebuilding. And you are, and always will be, strong enough to rebuild yourself.