Aries:

Energetic. Daring. Loves a challenge, but can be extremely impatient. Will sometimes (read: pretty much all the time) drive you crazy. But has a good heart.

Taurus:

Patient. Trustworthy. Loyal to a fault. Will actually listen to what you have to say, but can be stubborn as hell. Won’t just up and leave you, but will probably take forever and a day to commit.

Gemini:

Enjoys being out, socializing, and spending time with friends. Adventurous. Tends to exaggerate. Will be the life of the party, but has a hard time shutting up.

Cancer:

Puts other people first. Probably cares too much. Protective of things and people, but can be moody. Will love you fully, but might never let you go. A litttttle bit clingy.

Leo:

Loves nice things, being lazy, and affection. Will take care of you, but can be a bit bossy. Motivated by love, but sometimes a bit smothering. Confident (read: over-confident) but will care for you immensely.

Virgo:

Thinker. (Read: over-thinker). Good listener. Enjoys alone time, taking on other people’s problems, and anything peaceful. Kind-hearted. Notices and appreciates the little things. Doting, but can be a worry wart sometimes.

Libra:

Loves balance, happiness, and harmony. Tends to put others first (to a fault). Loves to be active. Motivated. Probably will need you to pick the restaurant for date night every single time.

Scorpio:

Has too many feelings. Likes alone time, deep conversations, and awareness of the world. Won’t be shy about loving you. Will be extremely protective, but can get very sassy when things go wrong. Will probably push you away a time or two.

Sagittarius:

Adventurous. Creative. Gets bored easily. Will love you fiercely, but hates being tied down. Friendly. Will click easily with you, but will probably (read: definitely) drive you nuts with the consistent inconsistency.

Capricorn:

Guarded. Serious. Cares immensely about others. Always thinking about the future. Will be guided by the head instead of the heart. Knows how to love, but will take cautious, careful, itty-bitty steps.

Aquarius:

Connected to everyone and everything. Helpful. Giving. Too much. (Way too much.) Will definitely love you well, but will struggle to give you space.

Pisces:

Day-dreamer. Hopeless romantic. Empathetic. Worries about what everyone’s thinking literally all the time. Will probably love you harder than anyone, but will definitely dive in too soon and too fast.

**Author note: BTW This is meant to poke fun, not be offensive. 😝