We deserve the world. We deserve to fall into relationships with people who adore us, with individuals who see us as valuable, and special, and worthy of their affection and attention.

We deserve happiness. We deserve to be respected, treated well, strengthened, and appreciated. We deserve partners who see us beyond our faults and flaws. Partners who will inspire us, who will bring us up when we’re down, who will support us when we can’t find our footing, who won’t leave when times get tough or something better comes along.

We deserve real love—the passionate, steady, consistent, dedicated love. And no, we honestly shouldn’t settle for anything less.

There isn’t perfection. There isn’t a person who will cross of every item on our list or meet all the criterion in our minds or always say and do the right thing, but there is such a thing as real love. And we should let ourselves fall deeply into that, and only that.

But the problem with honoring what we deserve and not settling for anything else, is that sometimes it leads us into entitlement. Sometimes it gives us a big head, makes us feel as if we’re on top of the world and that no one is worthy of the love we give.

But are we making sure we’re giving that kind of love in return?

No, we should never settle. But are we becoming people who deserve the love we’re looking for?

Are we becoming partners who will do the same for their forever people? Partners who are steady, consistent, dedicated, trustworthy, honorable? Partners who will strive to be the best they can, not only for themselves and individuals, but for each other?

Are we working to build ourselves up alongside another person? Are we trying to be selfless, but also strong? Are we looking to become the type of people who will put others before ourselves sometimes, who will support and motivate our special someones when they are broken or burdened or down?

Are we ready to adore and value the people we love, even when the make mistakes? Even when they’re so imperfect and flawed?

Are we worthy of the love we think we deserve?

There is so much to be said for not settling, for holding out for the right people, for not falling into relationships purely because of the fear of being alone. There is so much to be said about being with someone who builds you, rather than breaks you. Or finding your way out of something unhealthy or toxic.

But we also have to take a look inside ourselves, too.

It’s not solely about finding the love that we deserve, but making sure we’re loving people how they deserve to be loved, too.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all human and we’re all looking for connections with one another. At the end of the day, we’re all trying to find someone whose soul and mindset are compatible with ours, enough to tie our lives together.

At the end of the day, we’re all looking to find ourselves with, and alongside someone else. And if we are expecting someone to love us through our weakest moments, through our bullsh*t, our moods, our inconsistencies, are we prepared to do the same?

Love isn’t easy. It isn’t waking up to another beautiful day with a beautiful person in a beautiful home with a beautiful life. It’s conflict. It’s frustration. It’s not always seeing eye-to-eye, and staying up late arguing about pointless crap. It’s not knowing what to say. It’s feeling empty sometimes. It’s wanting to give up.

But it’s staying. It’s fighting. It’s continuing. It’s working back to affection, simply because you’ve chosen this person. And you’ll continue to choose them, no matter how hard life gets.

So please, never settle for what isn’t love. Never fall into something just because you’re tired of being alone, or you’re scared, or because you feel there’s no other option.

Please, never forget that you’re worthy of being chosen.
But also make sure to fight to be someone worth choosing.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.