I May Have A Big Heart, But I’m No Fool

Christian Acosta

I have a big heart—call it a flaw, call it ‘too much’—I call it a blessing. That heart, beating wildly in my chest has saved me. It has taught me how to forgive, how to let people in, how to lean on others when I’ve reached my lowest points. That heart has pushed on. It has taught me to survive. It has shown me how beautiful life can be when I trust others, when I give them all I have, when I say ‘yes’ to life and love and the emotions running through my veins.

I have a big heart. And I am proud of this.

It is with this big heart that I have fallen for people, that I have learned my own strengths, that I have been vulnerable and open and changed by relationships. And even when I have been hurt, I still don’t regret a thing.

Because I gave into love, and it was beautiful, no matter the outcome.

I have a big heart. Sometimes a silly heart, falling into people who aren’t right for me. Sometimes a stubborn heart, refusing to walk away from relationships, even the ones bringing me down. Sometimes a naïve heart, thinking that love can save people from brokenness, or fix problems.

I have a big heart, but I’m no fool.

I know how to love without expectations, how to give without demanding something in return, how to put others first. But when I am standing there, open-armed and vulnerable, and I receive nothing back—I know how to say goodbye.

I can love without conditions. I can be selfless and honest and open with the thoughts in my mind. I can fight for people, for relationships, for love. But when I see that the other person is no longer fighting back, no longer defending me, no longer standing by my side—I know how to let go.

See, having a big heart doesn’t mean I allow myself to get stepped on. It doesn’t mean I’m weak or powerless to the people around me.

Having a big heart means I know how to love. But please don’t get me wrong, I know how to leave, too.

I know how to step away from relationships that aren’t right for me, people that are only using me for what they can gain. I know how to distance myself from pain, how to move on, how to overcome loss and heartbreak and begin again, refreshed and renewed and ready to love the right person with everything I have.

I know my value. I know when enough’s enough. I know when I’ve poured too much of myself out, and when I must stop chasing the wrong things and start pursing the love I deserve.

I may have a big heart, but I know my strength.

I am not one to blindly give love away, to lose myself on the journey of finding love. I’m not afraid to love, to let go, to let people in. But I’m not stupid. I won’t be the woman standing there, waiting for a man to love her back, waiting for him to change, trying to convince him of her worth as he toys with her emotions.

I know my worth. And I’m worthy of real love.

And just because I have a big heart doesn’t mean it will forever keep beating for people it shouldn’t beat for. Sure, it will love, but it will be strong, too. It will leave. It will know its value. And it will walk away and search for that value elsewhere.

I may have a big heart, but I’m no fool. I know who I am and the love I deserve. And I will not settle for less. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Keep up with Marisa on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and marisadonnelly.com

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