Stop Feeling Sad About Being Single

Trevor Paterson
Trevor Paterson

There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in the middle of the bed, blankets and pillows making a fortress around you. There’s nothing wrong with cooking meals for two, but saving the second half for yourself, later. There’s nothing wrong with going on solo gym dates, dinner dates, or shopping dates and spending all the time you need moseying about the store or sweating your little butt off. There’s nothing wrong with spending the afternoon curled up with a good book, a journal, or Netflix on the TV and not having to be responsible for anyone but yourself.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying time on your own.

We’ve been conditioned to see ‘singleness’ as negative. If you’re single, you’re unlovable, right? There’s something wrong with you if you’re not in a relationship—you’re not pretty enough, handsome enough, fun enough, crazy enough, happy enough? …Right? (Wrong.)

We view being single as disappointing, like the person just isn’t where he/she needs to be yet. Maybe they’re still trying to figure themselves out. Maybe they aren’t ready. Maybe they’re just hard to love. How many times have we heard that phrase before?

We see being single as a phase—a step to where we’re meant to be (aka finding ‘the one’). But being single isn’t a stepping stone to something greater. It isn’t just a passage, a segue, a transition to the life we’re supposed to live.

Being single is a stage of life. A good, complicated, self-defining, motivating, becoming stage of life. And it should be celebrated rather than looked down upon.

Maybe you’re at a place in your life where you just want to be on your own. Maybe you’re pursuing a career you’ve worked hard for, and don’t want to be distracted. Maybe you’re still healing from a prior break up, and just want to work on yourself before jumping back into the dating scene. Maybe you’ve relocated or switched jobs or are going through a big change, and want to figure out who you are without someone else in the picture.

Maybe you’re just freakin’ happy living life on your own terms.

And that’s okay.

All of this is okay. It’s okay to want to be on your own for a little while. It’s okay to want to spend your time selfishly, or to put your needs and wants before anyone else’s. It’s okay to be lazy, to be active, to over-work, to veg out in bed all weekend, to hang with friends, or to spend your nights doing whatever the hell you want to do – this is your life, and no one can tell you how to live it.

We have such a negative perception of being alone, like ‘aloneness’ equates to loneliness. But it doesn’t have to. Being alone means being independent. It means knowing what you deserve and not settling. It means knowing what you want and not wasting time pursuing something that doesn’t grow you. It means finding your way in a world that’s chaotic and crazy and ever-changing.

Being alone means being comfortable in your own skin.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. With waking up and making breakfast for one, with third-wheeling alongside your favorite couple friends, with going on long runs with only music and sunshine to keep you company.

Stop worrying about when and where and how you’ll find your person. Stop feeling like you’re running out of time. Stop comparing your journey to everyone else’s and be happy where you are, right now.

You’re doing just fine.
And independence looks good on you. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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