1. He listens.

You can tell a guy is not only invested in you when he listens, but is interested in having a deeper connection. If the two of you are talking and he’s giving you his full attention—no phone, no distractions, no looking elsewhere—he is being vulnerable. He’s showing you that he genuinely cares about what you have to say and wants to know you beyond the surface, and in turn, wants you to do the same for him.

2. He acts nervous or hesitant.

Vulnerability is very scary. If you notice your guy maybe looking all over the room or down at the floor, twiddling his thumbs, messing with his keys, running his fingers through his hair, or whatever anxious tick he may have—don’t worry. Opening up to another person is terrifying, and his nervous actions are his way of calming himself before letting you in.

3. He shares a secret or personal detail from his past.

When you’re vulnerable, you open up to someone and allow them to see you for who you are—flaws, history, and all. If your man is beginning to talk to you about things from his past, bad or good, he’s becoming comfortable with you and your relationship. If he shares something very personal or close to his heart, you can be sure he cares for you and wants you to know the real him.

4. He tells you when something’s bothering him.

I think us females get a little frustrated when this happens in our relationships, especially early on, but a guy that’s able to communicate with you about what’s bothering him is a guy that’s being real, raw, and vulnerable. By him telling you when he’s upset or hurt or annoyed, it shows that he cares for the relationship and doesn’t want to just sweep his feelings under the rug. He doesn’t want to leave things unsaid, which is important, and will ultimately lead to a healthier relationship. Him sharing his thoughts with you, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, is his way of being vulnerable and bringing the two of you closer.

5. He has a conversation with you in an intimate place or position.

Whether he engages in pillow talk, a couch-cuddling conversation, or maybe just a casual chat in the home he grew up in—pay attention to the location where your conversations take place. If he is able to talk to you in a place that matters very much to him (ex: a childhood home), or in a position where he is most vulnerable (ex: after intimacy) it shows he not only loves you, but values the conversations you have very much.

6. He brings up an ex or past relationship.

This is a sign that’s terrifying for us females, but actually shows your man’s willingness to deepen your connection. In bringing up an ex-girlfriend or past relationship, he wants to not only calm your fears but perhaps reflect on why that relationship didn’t work in hopes that yours will be more successful. He isn’t bringing up an ex to make you jealous or insecure, rather to be honest and open with you about his past and let you know that he’s serious about you and has put those past relationships behind him.

7. He asks you deep questions about your life or past.

Vulnerability is a two-way street, so if he is asking you about your past or trying to get you to talk about yourself and your life, it shows that he wants the two of you to be on the same page. He wants to open to you, and in turn have you open to him and deepen your connection.

8. He expresses what he’s feeling.

This is everything. When your man starts to talk about what’s on his mind, confess his true feelings for you, tell you he loves you, or even cry in front of you—that is him being his most vulnerable. It means he not only values you and your relationship, but is comfortable enough to be him, the real him, in all his forms. This is vulnerability. This is beautiful. This is love.