You Are Not Unlovable

Autri Taheri
Autri Taheri

You went through a sh*tty breakup. You got your heart broken into a thousand little pieces. You fell for the wrong person, and gave everything you had to him or her. You cared deeply for someone who didn’t feel the same. You thought you found love, only to end up with nothing in the end. You got hurt.

And now you feel unlovable.

I get it. We’ve all been there. Love sucks sometimes. It’s painful. It’s frustrating. There are moments where you just want to say, ‘forget it,’ and stop your feelings altogether. As if that were even possible.

But I want you to know one thing, one thing that will always be true, no matter how much brokenness you face, no matter how many times your heart aches, and no matter how many people leave—you are not unlovable.

It’s easy to feel unlovable, like you’re the one who’s wrong, like there’s something off with you that makes it hard for people to truly fall. You date the wrong person and suddenly look at yourself with skeptical lenses. You get mixed up in your emotions and begin calculating your losses, seeing every failed relationship as a marker of how you’ll never be good enough. And then you carry that negativity with you wherever you go.

Because someone broke your heart, you think the next guy or girl will. Because you’ve been left, you’re convinced that everyone leaves, and you’re already setting yourself up for the next person to walk out of your life.

Because you’ve been hurt, you’re so sure it’ll happen again. And you’ve starting telling yourself that it’s you, that you’re the one with the problem, that you’re the one who’s flawed and damaged, that you’re hard to love and are never going to find your person.

But that’s not true.

You’re not unlovable just because your past relationships haven’t worked out. You’re not unlovable because the wrong person didn’t love you back or because you haven’t found ‘the one’ yet.

No, you’re not perfect. We all have our share of sins. We’ve all made mistakes, and will continue to make them. We all have so many ways we don’t measure up to greatness, especially in our relationships.

But you can’t go through life believing that there’s something wrong with you, just because you haven’t found real love yet.

Having a failed relationship doesn’t make you a failure. Breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you’ll never find love. Losing someone you care about, walking around with an aching heart, trying to move on from someone you thought you’d spend forever with—those things absolutely suck, but they don’t make you any less of a person. They don’t make you someone unworthy of love.

You are not unlovable; you are not damaged goods.

You are a person who has gone through some tough times, but came back even stronger. You are one who has been broken, but has learned to heal. You have a soul that is imperfect, yet beautiful. And you will find love one day. In the meantime, take responsibility for what you can change, become better, but quit blaming yourself.

One day you’ll find the love you deserve, and then you’ll finally see why it didn’t work out with anyone else. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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