When I think about you, I start to feel dizzy. I could be driving down Highway 5, windows rolled down and the music up loud, and something triggers the thought of you and suddenly I’m on autopilot, reversing back through the memories in my mind like it hasn’t been months and years since I’ve seen your face, like you haven’t gone off and lived your life while I went and started mine, like you haven’t let me go.
Even though sometimes I wish you never did.
I could be waking up to the sound of my alarm, rolling over in my big bed and be reminded of you for no reason at all. The way you used to curl up on your side, never complaining when my legs intertwined with yours, or when my head would somehow end up on your pillow and your half of the blanket tucked under my tummy.
You were always so patient, even with both of our stubborn hearts.
You always had that hold on me, your gentleness with rough edges.
And you have that way about you, even still, of jumping back into my mind when I least expect it.
I would always forget who I was in those ivy green eyes of yours; they reminded me of a forest, the kind with paths and twists and turns. The kind of forest I could get lost in, on purpose.
You always drove me crazy. Crazy in the way I’d want to abandon everything I knew about love and lean into you, into us. Even when I think about it now, it takes me back to that car, to those drives. It’s like I can see your one hand on the steering wheel, feel the other hand playing with my hair, making me lose track of time and place and even where we were headed on that highway.
You made me laugh when my heart was aching. You made me forget my imperfections and see them as little quirks that made me, me. You listened to every word and treasured every smile that crossed my face. You made me angry and happy and crazy and every emotion I never knew I could feel.
You made everything in me come alive.
And maybe time has passed and our worlds aren’t tied together anymore. Maybe our stars won’t ever burst across one another’s skies and our ‘I love yous’ won’t be kissed onto each other’s lips.
But I’ve never been one to let go of love so easily.
And I’ve never been one to forget.
You sparked something in me that made me a little lighter, a little brighter, a little freer. Maybe we weren’t meant to be soulmates. Maybe it’s too soon to tell.
But we’ll always be connected—you’re the ember to my beautiful burn.