I’m sick of complicating things. I’m tired of trying to shape love into something I can grasp between my fingertips. I hate having to worry so much about what’s right, or what makes sense, or what I should do, or who I should love.
With you, it’s not about those things.
It’s not about whether this will make perfect sense or whether it’s a forever type of feeling. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s not about knowing who we will become or where we will go before we’ve even started.
I’ve always been the type of girl who likes to know, who likes to plan, who likes to see the world laid out in front of her and map the first few steps.
But with you it’s different.
It’s not about counting the days or calculating the probability that we stay perfectly content where we are. It’s not about measuring our affection, seeing if it will one day transform into love. It’s not about having this predetermined path that these feelings will guide us on.
You make me smile. And sometimes it’s just that simple.
When I look at you, I see a thousand stories carved into your skull. I see memories; I see laughter. I see the person you’ve been, the person I want to discover. And I feel a million and one things I want to tell you, dancing like pop rocks at the tip of my tongue.
When you speak, I find myself mulling your words over, like they’re foreign and strange, like I’m listening to the sweet, syrupy sound of another language. When you smile, I feel my heart swell, thick and proud in my chest, pulsing through the tips of my fingertips like I’m on fire from the inside.
When I look at you, I don’t know what we will become.
But that doesn’t really matter.
What I know is that every single time our eyes meet and your lips turn into an upwards curve, I feel this unexplainable glow, this unmeasurable strength, this undefinable courage to fall back into love, no matter how many times I’ve fallen down.
You don’t have all the answers. You aren’t a saint or my savior. There are so many ways that you won’t measure up to the world’s standards. You’re imperfect and too loud and you already have taken up too much space in my heart.
But you make me see the world in a different light. You make my head spin in circles. You make the corners of my mouth turn upwards and stay frozen, a constancy I’ve never experienced.
You make me smile.
You make the world brighter.
You make me believe in things like forever and happiness with that smile of yours. And no, I don’t have all the answers of where we will be days, months, years from now or who we will become.
All I know is that you make me smile.
And I‘ll keep smiling right back.