There’s something to be said about dependability. About reliability. About being the girl that will always have a heart for you, no matter where in the world you are.
The girl who will care about you, even after you’re gone.
I’ve always been that kind of girl. The one who tries to smile instead of turning her back. The one who keeps her heart open, even when it should probably stay closed.
There’s something to be said about having love for people who don’t always deserve it, or forgiving when forgiveness is hard, or just being there, and putting your own hurt aside.
Sometimes I’ve tried to be the kind of girl who shuts herself off, who walks away, who distances herself at the end of the relationship because it’s easier that way, right?
But it’s never been easier for me.
I find myself wondering, find myself aching at the thought of two people becoming strangers. I find myself sick at the sound of a goodbye that seems more like the end of life than two people just drifting apart.
See, I’d rather be the girl you know felt something real than the girl who pretends you never mattered. Because no matter our outcome, you always mattered, and always will.
And that’s why no matter where life takes us, I’ll always answer your call. Whether it’s late at night and you’re walking home from the bar, mumbling words to me that you’ll never remember tomorrow. Or late afternoon on a Sunday and you just got a call about a new job.
Sure, it will suck, knowing that we’re thousands of miles apart and that things have changed between us. Sure, it will be hard knowing we are two different people chasing two different dreams. Sure, it won’t be the same and I won’t fall back in love with you the way I once did.
But there’s this unspoken bond between us, an unspoken line between what was, and what is. We don’t owe each other anything, nor need anything. It’s merely just to hear the sound of each other’s voices on the other end of the phone. And I promise, I’ll pick up.
If you’re calling to see if I’m happy, I’ll tell you the truth, that I am. If you’re calling because you feel lost and you need to know that it wasn’t all a waste, I’ll tell you the truth, no life is ever a waste. Especially yours.
If you’re calling just to hear a familiar voice, I’ll talk. And I’ll listen.
I know life will take us in unexpected directions and that we’ll get a little twisted around sometimes, but if you ever need someone just to be the breathing on the other end of the receiver, I’ll pick up. I promise.
It’s not because I’m desperate. It’s not because I’m missing you. It’s not because my life is on hold, just waiting to hear that ring.
It’s because love isn’t something that I can just forget, or shove into a hidden corner of my mind. It’s because you mattered to me, and time and distance won’t ever change that. It’s because we all need human connection in this life, just to keep on living.
It’s because I can’t change who I am. And I’m a girl who will always care.
So, you beautiful soul. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing I hope you know you’re forgiven. I hope you know I only wish the best for you. And I hope you know that I’m only ever a phone call away.
And I’ll pick up. I promise.