7 Surefire Signs You’re Putting Way Too Much Effort Into Your Relationship


1. You’re always texting first.

There’s nothing wrong with being the guy or girl that texts first. In fact, it shows initiative. It shows interest. It shows that you’re in it, which in today’s world of non-committal flings, is essential. There’s nothing wrong with being the one that’s shooting the ‘Goodmorning sunshine!’ or the ‘Hey, hows your day, babe?’ texts, but if you’re always the one reaching out (or else you don’t talk for like 15 hours) that’s a big red flag.

If they’re into you, they’ll be more than willing to text you, too.

2. There’s no plans unless you make them.

Yep, this is just a piggy-back from the ol’ texting troubles. If you’re the one who constantly has to reach out to your bae, from dates to movie nights to plain old seeing each other before the night’s over, then YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH.

Listen, life’s too short to be with someone who isn’t PUMPED to see you, who isn’t EXCITED to have you in his/her life, or who isn’t EAGER to spend time with you.

If your dog is more excited about you than your BF/GF…THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM.

3. Your form of communication with your S.O. consists of ‘yeah,’ ‘okay,’ ‘you too,’ and ‘fine.’

Or any other one-word, stupid, surface-level line. Here’s the thing, if you are with someone who’s only communication is either a) via text or b) short phrases that actually tell you how he/she is feeling or what’s actually going on, then you are in a very one-sided, blah relationship.

It’s tough for people to open up, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but if you’re constantly fighting to try to talk to your S.O. or fighting just to get to know them, then it might be time to set yourself free.

4. You’re constantly trying to schedule time into your busy life to see them.

Life isn’t really that hard; we just make it harder than it needs to be sometimes. The same goes for love. You shouldn’t have to spend hours agonizing about your busy work week and how you’re going to fit in BF/GF time. When you’re in a relationship that’s balanced, mutual, and real, seeing each other will come naturally and with compromise.

If you find you’re the one who’s doing all the work to see someone that ‘doesn’t have time’ or is ‘just too busy’ then GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. I REPEAT. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.

5. Any holiday or gift-giving event is a well-thought-out, detailed, heartfelt process.

You spend hours trying to find the perfect shoes. You search multiple department stories to find the favorite cologne. You sift through every clothing rack to get the shirt that he/she wanted. You do so much to make the perfect gift, the perfect night, the perfect holiday/birthday/etc.

And when it comes time for your special day, something simple, bland, generic, or bought at the last minute. Uggggghh.

6. You keep trying to find ways to get closer with them.

You feel like your relationship is stuck. You know the two of you care about each other, but things just don’t feel right. So you keep trying to change yourself, to fix your quirks, to smooth out the edges of your relationship so it shines.

But it doesn’t get better—and that’s because YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WHILE YOUR S.O. JUST CHILLS.

Stop. Just stop.

7. You feel sort of desperate.

You keep trying to see your bae. You keep trying to make plans. You keep texting them. You keep trying to make them happy. In the end, you’re starting to feel a little like a crazy stalker weirdo. But why aren’t things perfect? Why aren’t you two happy??


Know your worth and know that if someone doesn’t put effort, love, affection, and care towards you, they don’t deserve your time or attention. You should be with someone who can’t imagine the world without you in it. Anything less than that, well that’s just a waste of time. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Keep up with Marisa on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and marisadonnelly.com

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