Maybe I always believe the best about you because I loved you, because somehow I see the people I’ve cared for as these invincible creatures that can do no wrong. Or maybe it’s because there’s a part of me that hopes, no matter time or mistakes passed between us, that you will always be good, always do the right thing.
Maybe I set my expectations too high.
Maybe I’m setting myself up for failure, for defeat. Maybe I’m just wishing on stars that aren’t really stars at all, just lights from airplanes floating through the sky.
I put my faith in you again. I thought you’d be there, be someone I could count on, just once. I was wrong. Maybe you had somewhere else to be, somewhere more pressing or urgent. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, and I caught you when you had your hands full. Maybe you were scared, because it was me on the other end of the phone. Maybe you pushed the thought of me out of your mind. Or maybe you just forgot. I’m not sure which is worse.
All I know is that I hoped you’d prove me wrong this time.
That when it came down to it, you’d be there.
But maybe I’ve always had a little too much faith.
I know you’re living your life somewhere on the other side of the street, the town, the country, the planet, the universe. And I’m here. But I thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d be different this time.
I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Not this time, not ever.
See, I learned at a young age that you can’t put all of your hope into people; you can’t let a person be the source of your happiness. I guess I just slipped up somewhere, thinking you were different.
But you’re not a bad person, just bad for me.
Bad for me because I keep putting you in this box, keep labeling you as something you’re not, something I can believe in. I keep thinking, every single time, that things will change, that things have changed, that things were never as bad as they were.
But maybe I’ve just been blind.
You’re not a bad person. You’ve done so many wonderful things, blessed so many people’s lives, brought smiles to others on their darkest of days. You used to make me laugh like it was effortless, like I was born for the purpose of throwing my head back and letting that sound slip from my lips. Those were the easy days.
I’m sure it’s not all your fault, how things shifted between us. I’m sure it’s not all your fault that it’s hard for us to trust, to let people in. I don’t blame you for everything.
But I know I need to let you go.
I need to strengthen my heart, not let it weaken with your broken promises, with my silly choices, with putting my faith in someone who isn’t going to follow through.
You’re not a bad person, just bad for me. I hope you understand this. And I hope you find someone to love someday.
Someone you’ll love too much to ever let down.