I always try my best to be strong. To put on a good face. To act kind and patient and bold in dealing with things that hurt me. I think it makes me a better person. I think it helps me to get over what’s crushing me in a quicker, more efficient way. I think it’s something praiseworthy about myself. And I want to be known for that—for showing love, even when my heart’s tired.
But I’m not always that strong.
Sometimes I just don’t know how to handle the things life throws at me. Sometimes I’m reminded of something I’ve lost and I get all caught up in it.
Suddenly it feels like my heart is broken, again.
I think we all do that, don’t we? We try really hard to let go of past pain and to get over the things that are hurting us, so we put on a good front. We pretend, and we keep on pretending until it becomes a reality.
But what I’m realizing, more and more every day, is that it’s okay to feel.
It’s okay to not be over something so quickly. It’s okay to allow yourself valid, legitimate time to heal. It’s okay to see something that reminds you of a person who’s no longer in your life and frankly, just feel like crying.
It’s okay to think about sadness and well in it for a moment. Not for forever, but you can’t deny yourself your emotions. You can’t lie to your heart about what’s really hiding under the surface, or what’s aching in your core.
It’s okay to not always feel positive, feel strong, feel like I can take on the world.
It’s okay to sometimes acknowledge that you feel weak or tired or vulnerable. Because the beautiful thing about those feelings is that they lead to strength.
I’m trying to remind myself of that today, as I close my eyes to keep the tears from falling. There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just having a moment. And it’s okay to have moments.
It’s okay to be imperfect.
It’s okay to be hurting.
Because one day I won’t feel that way anymore.
Instead, I’ll feel whole.