This is my desperate cry, my desperate letter.
My heart is bleeding across the page. My tears are tangible now, in sentences and lines of verse. I need you. You can’t go.
I need you to hold my hand when I’m afraid, to tell me that thunder is nothing to be scared of, and that morning will always come. I need you to laugh with me when I’m not sure what I’m feeling, to show me how far I’ve traveled so I’ll quit looking back.
I need you to love me in the way that you always have, the way no one else has loved me, so unconditionally, with faith and fight.
I need you to be who you’ve been—loyal, honest, compassionate. I need your reminders when I forget that people are imperfect, and I am too.
I need your hugs when I’m lonely, and our bodies curled up on the couch for movie nights, sharing the stupid stories of our pasts that always make us laugh.
I need you for the big things, and all the little things. Please don’t make me face them alone.
I will do everything I can, and more, to make you stay.
To erase your pain and heartache, to rewrite the stars somehow, to change fate.
I’ve always been one to accept the shifts of life as they come, but this I cannot bear. I cannot watch as you slip from my grasp, as your brain takes over, as your body loses its fight.
Please, stay just a little longer.
Stay so I can show you how beautiful the sky is on a summer night, or how the crickets sing their love melodies as the sun goes down. Stay so I can rewrite our histories, bring you even closer so I’ll never know your absence.
Stay so I can kiss every wound on your heart, until you forget that you were ever broken.
You have so much life to live, so many stories to laugh at, so many kisses left to share with a future lover.
I can’t wait to be a part of all that.
I can’t wait to tease you, to mess with your hair, to look back on this time and laugh. Laugh at how foolish we both were, thinking this was the end.
Please, hold on.
Hold onto whatever you can—a smile, a memory, a thought that is buried in the shadowy corner of your mind. Ask me for anything, and I’ll do it. I’ll tell you story after story of happier times. I’ll do my best to make you believe that better will come. That you’re never alone.
Don’t ask me to let you go. I won’t.
I’ll write you a thousand pages with ink drawn straight from my veins. I’ll drown you in my tears before I could ever let you go.
Don’t give up on me.
Don’t close your eyes.
You may think that this is your lowest, that there’s nothing more to believe, no hope of ever becoming well. But I think you’re wrong.
I think your presence is necessary. I think your heart is needed. I think your laugh is essential. Because it is for me.
So please, don’t leave this earth just yet.
There’s still millions of memories left to make.
And I’m desperate to make them with you.