I don’t know exactly where I’m headed.
I try my best to lay out a map, to plan, to attempt to unfold my life month by month and smooth out all the wrinkles. But in the end, I’m still left confused. The future will turn and twist and curve when I least expect it. I’ll end up with a different plan, a different road to get to where I was headed.
But that’s just how life is.
And it’s how love is.
We can’t plan either of those things, even though we try to convince ourselves we can.
For me this is especially tough. I’m a planner. I like knowing where and when, and even the why sometimes. I like having a destination, even if it’s somewhere off in the faraway future. I like imagining where I’ll one day be, setting a point on a map or a goal in my head and aiming for that, all the while knowing it won’t be a straight path, yet still believing anyways.
But life throws me off balance sometimes.
And so does love.
Sometimes love will hit me out of nowhere, leaving my mind spinning and reeling. Leaving me with confusing feelings that shake everything I’ve believed in, everything I’ve tried to sketch out in front of me.
Love will stop me in my tracks, or completely speed my entire body up. It will make me feel dizzy and strange, and it will throw me off balance, but sometimes in the best ways.
That’s the thing about love, though: it’s the one thing you can’t plan.
It’s the one thing you can’t pinpoint on a map, can’t draw lines to, can’t connect to something tangible or even make sense of it sometimes.
It comes when it wants, either creeping up slowly or smacking you right in the face. It messes with your best-laid map, your sincerest intentions.
It makes you rethink everything because suddenly you’ve found something that matters more than yourself.
And so I’ve decided to surrender to love.
Because I can’t control it. Because I can’t plan around it. Because the world is filled with these unknowns, these chances we take for the things and people we care about.
So I’m going for it; I’m going all in.
I’m acknowledging that love is something I cannot control, that loving someone else could completely destroy me, could create an entirely new life that I didn’t ever plan for—but that’s okay.
Because I’m taking a chance.
Because life is too short to always know where you’re headed, too short to be afraid to fall, too short to be selfish with your heart.
Because not planning can be exciting and fun. Because love is one of those things you just jump into fearlessly, and without a guidebook or map.
Because sometimes you don’t need a guidebook or map. You just need your heart, your brain, and the faith in something bigger than yourself.
So I’m going for it. I’m going all in.