I don’t want to be your temporary, your ‘just fooling around,’ your casual, your ‘we’re talking,’ or your only-for-a-summer type of love.
I don’t want to be the girl you mention in passing, the girl you think about when you’re lonely, the girl whose attention and affection is merely a convenience.
I don’t want something that’s fleeting, something that’s quick, something with a start and end date, something that’s meaningless.
That’s not love.
No. Love is passion. Love is commitment. Love is not being able to get enough of you, pulling you into a hug and holding you there just so I can feel your heart pulsing in your chest. Love is kissing you and feeling like I’m dizzy, like I’m melting into your lips as if the two of us were searching blindly our entire lives and finally found where our souls belong.
That’s the kind of love I desire.
I want a love that stretches across the sky, that overflows from the two of us and spills over everyone we know, everyone we encounter, gently yet passionately like rain. I want a love that warms like the California sun, that dances around us, that fills and blesses wherever we go and whomever we touch.
I want a love that’s all-consuming, that I can get lost in.
A love that builds me into something even stronger, a love that helps me discover even more of who I am and who I can become with someone else.
I want a love that’s written in my heart, in my smile, in my every action and decision and thought. I want a love with someone who is wrapped up in me as much as I am in him. A love that intertwines our beautiful, independent selves into a connected, powerful unit.
I don’t want meaningless. I don’t have time for meaningless.
I don’t have time for a fling that won’t last, a kiss that will fade, a smile that’s smiling the same way to everyone else, yet we’re all believing in and searching for the same things.
I’m not in this for the temporary.
I’m in this for the head-over-heels, for the ‘finding the one,’ for the forever.
I’m in this for the arguments, for the decisions, for the long-term, long haul.
I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect and I know you can’t promise me this either. Neither of us can guarantee forever, or know for certain that our flaws will play nicely with one another.
But I don’t want a meaningless love with you.
And if you can promise that this is the real-deal, that you’re in it and you’re just as excited and scared, too, then let’s do this. Let’s believe in love. Let’s give all of ourselves and lean into one another. Let’s jump and not be afraid to free fall.
Let’s catch each other on the way down.