To My Future Boyfriend, I Am Not Broken

I have my share of scrapes, bumps, and bruises. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve cried, I’ve been lonely and afraid and angry. I’ve been through some things. Haven’t we all?

But I want you to know something: I am not broken.

Maybe I was, for a time. Maybe you missed me at my worst, and for that, I have to say I’m thankful. I needed time to rebuild, to heal, to find myself again. I needed to pull away from heartbreak and let it all go.

Or maybe I’m still struggling, but I won’t be forever. There will be a time when I rescue myself, when I look back at the past and laugh. And even if that day isn’t today, I promise it’s coming. So hold out for me.

Listen, this letter is for you. To know that in the future, I will love you. I will love you deeply and fully. I will be unafraid and unhesitant. I will not compare you to pain of the past, but trust that people are different, that you are different and worthy of a chance.

I want you to know something: I am not broken. I am not bitter. I will not hold regrets in my back pocket or carry anger like weights tied to my shoes.

By the time we find each other, my smile will stretch across my face, my laughter will be light, and I will fill the room with my positive energy. You will be pulled to me in unexplainable ways, and I will notice you. Notice your laugh, your smile, and your heart, somehow beating in rhythm with mine.

We won’t be perfect, but we will fit. We will start to fall. It will be a beautiful connection that we never expected. We will both be blessed. And we won’t have to rescue one another, because I will have healed from my past, and you from yours.

Be excited for this. For the future. For us.

But listen, I need to tell you something. I need you to know that I’ve been hurt. That I’ve loved. That I’ve made mistakes. That I don’t come with a perfect past. None of us do.

I’ve given my heart away a time or two. But you shouldn’t be afraid of this. Those past loves, I don’t regret them. They taught me so much about myself, they built and shattered me, they loved me in all my different versions—the high school me, the college me, the post-college me, and places in-between—and I loved them, too. But they’re past loves. Pieces of who I was and even who I am, pieces I will always remember.

But you are the future, the now.

Trust this. And know that I am no longer broken, no longer the past, no longer what happened to me before.

I am the long-awaited, the hopeful, the moments to come with you.

And I can’t wait to get started.

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