Please, Stop Blaming Yourself For Every Failure In Love

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So it didn’t work out. She left. He cheated. She pulled away. He gave you the cold shoulder. Whatever your situation, your left sitting with your head in your hands, rewinding your mind over every past mistake, wondering what you could have said or done differently.

We’ve all been there.

We’ve all had those ‘what if’ moments, where we wrack our brains for the exact slice of time where we inevitably destroyed everything we once had. We try to wrap our head around why the person we thought was our everything ran, or hurt us, or said goodbye. We try to make sense of our brokenness, make it tangible, somehow, so that we can undo the damage we’ve done.

But there’s one, huge thing we so often forget: Sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing we did, or can do about it.

Sometimes people fall out of love. Sometimes two people are just less compatible than they thought. Sometimes things and situations change and love is just too hard.

But it’s toxic to keep blaming ourselves for every single failure in love. Because sometimes it’s just not your fault.

Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s change. Sometimes it’s someone’s inability to let go of what was in order to focus on what is. And sometimes it’s situations out of your control totally, no matter how hard you bang your head against the wall.

And if you sit there and keep picking at every little mistake, every little insecurity, you’ll only make yourself less appealing, less loveable, less willing to fall for someone else.

No, you’re not perfect. None of us are. There are going to be plenty of moments when you are wrong, when you say things you shouldn’t, when you hurt the person you care about the most, when you’re downright selfish and stupid.

But every single thing, every past relationship cannot be your fault. And you’ll drive yourself damn crazy if you think that.

So please, give every relationship your all, fight like hell for the ones you love, but if things don’t pan out, let it go. You cannot spend the rest of your days looking in the rearview, seeing your faults as if they were taped to your forehead.

Sometimes you say things that you don’t mean, sometimes you do things accidentally, sometimes you’re just who you are and it doesn’t work with another person—this isn’t your fault.

Please, stop blaming yourself for every little failure, every broken relationship, every past love.

You are more than these moments of the past, more than the situations and relationships that didn’t work out as planned. Life continues on, and love continues on. So hold your head up and try again because that’s all you can do. And that’s what you deserve to do. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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