1. Despite the odds, love conquers all.

Find comfort in this. It was love that brought you and your significant other together, and it is love that has bonded your family throughout the years. Love faces incredible odds—death, pain, heartbreak, fights, loneliness—and no matter the conflict between these people you care so deeply about, your love for them will always win, whether they choose to accept one another or not.

2. It really doesn’t matter who’s in the wrong.

You can spend hours upon hours analyzing the interactions and issues between your family and the person you love, but in the end, it really doesn’t matter. Pointing fingers gets you nowhere. What’s truly important is that both sides see and acknowledge their wrongs. Or, if that isn’t possible, that everyone plays civil.

3. This isn’t your fault.

You didn’t choose a bad person to love, you didn’t put everyone through painful situations, and you aren’t hurting the people around you with your choices. You aren’t being selfish and you aren’t in the wrong. Don’t let loaded, angry words break you down.

4. You don’t need to pick sides.

It’s extremely unfair that the people you care about aren’t getting along, but you should never feel obligated to choose one party over the other. Even if you feel pressured, even if you may lose the respect or love of a certain person or people, you are not obligated to choose between your blood and the person you want to marry.

5. Only you can determine the truth.

You are the one caught in the middle. This means that you are the one who needs to hear both sides and determine your own feelings. For yourself.

So listen. See where both sides are coming from, then determine if a certain side is right. Then be very honest with yourself.

6. You need to pay attention to your gut.

If you’re realizing, somewhat unconsciously, or through the fighting, that you shouldn’t be with this person or that your family is toxic, you need to acknowledge and listen to these feelings. You need to take a deep breath, sort them out, and come to terms with the fact that you might lose someone(s) you care about. But for the right reasons.

7. You have every right to be upset.

As much as you want to love and empathize with the feelings of the people closest to you, you don’t always have to tip toe around them. You are allowed to cry, to be angry, to yell, and to call people out on their immaturity. Despite their feelings about one another, your family and your significant other should put you first.

8. It’s okay to be alone for a while.

It’s okay to crave your space, to want to pull away from all the crap and the drama. You don’t have to feel sorry for wanting your space. And if you decide you want permanent space from someone(s), you shouldn’t feel bad about that either.

9. In time, pain will pass.

This might mean that your family and your significant other will let go of their anger. Or, it might mean that you learn to accept that they will never see eye to eye. Regardless, your pain will eventually lessen. Hold onto the hope of this.

10. You will still have a good, happy life.

This conflict might feel like the center of the universe right now. You might feel like you’re backed up against a wall and there’s no escape. You might feel like no matter how things turn out, you’ll be the one who ends up broken. But that isn’t true.

Despite the conflict, you will still have a happy life, surrounded by people who love you. How blessed are you that the ones you care about the most are fighting to be your number one?

Let go of your insecurities and your hurt. Know that you are a wonderful person who is blessed with wonderful people. You will get through this. You are loved.