You Need To Stop Worrying About Who To Love And Start Focusing On What You Love / Enrico Fianchini / Enrico Fianchini

Life is too damn short. Too. Damn. Short. You’re going to face loss and heartbreak, have stomach-dropping-out-of-your-pants moments, giddy-with-butterflies moments, utter despair, and a bunch of jumbled messes in-between. Some days are going to be amazing; some days are going to freaking suck. But bottom line: this is your life. And you need to grab ahold of it with your two, bare, semi-calloused, nail-bitten hands and make something of it.

Listen. You will fall in love at some point. Maybe you already have—lucky for you, no matter how it ended. If you have been in love, you have been blessed with a relationship that has taught you valuable lessons, that has shaped you into a resilient, passionate person, and that has made you believe in one of the most beautiful parts of our human experience. You are lucky.

If you haven’t found love, relax. Your day will come. You might be wandering around the city and bump into a strange man or woman who catches your eye. It might be as simple as that—embarrassed hellos, exchanged numbers, coffee shop dates, the first, magical, warm kiss—BAM. Love. Or it might be that friend you never expected, whose innocent touch sparked from your hands to your brain and suddenly you thought, Wow, I freaking love you.

We don’t know how it’ll happen, or when, or even why sometimes. But we can’t spend our days obsessing over this future, hasn’t-even-happened-yet, somewhere-off-in-the-distance relationship because we won’t be present in the now. In the everyday monotony, beauty, frustration, confusion, excitement, and glory of the present.

When you put your energy and time and constant thoughts into your not-even-real-yet relationship, you’re pulling yourself away from what really matters. The everyday life.

You need to stop worrying about who to love. Stop worrying about if you will find it at the corner book store, at the company party, at the cousin’s best friend’s wedding. Stop stressing over Tinder matches or Instagram photos or the paralyzing thought, “I am even datable?” Just stop.

When you put your energy and time and constant thoughts into your not-even-real-yet relationship, you’re pulling yourself away from what really matters. The everyday life. The happiness, the joy you find in focusing on who you are as a person and what makes you, you.

You need to stop worrying about who to love and focus on what you love. What motivates you? What makes you passionate? What drives you? Focus on those things. Thrive on those things. Instead of scouring through potential dates’ Facebook profiles, lose yourself in a good book. Instead of primping to look ‘presentable’ for a possible significant other, dress in what makes you feel good.

What do you love? Is it art? Sports? Music? Friendships? Sewing? Cooking? Hunting? Reading? Event-planning? Photography? Put your energy, your excitement, your focus, your whole self into those things. Lose yourself in your work, in your hobbies, in your friendships, in you.

And while you’re busy becoming a better, whole-r version of yourself, the love you’ve been searching for will find its way to you. I promise. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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  • bymariefrances

    so much truth in this!

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