I Don't Want To Forget You, I Just Don't Want To Remember You Anymore

I Don’t Want To Forget You, I Just Don’t Want To Remember You Anymore

I walk inside the coffee shop
There’s work I have to finish today
and I’ll be staying here
a little longer than I usually do
since you left.

I still go to this place
because though we have changed
It still has the best coffee
and the best memories
unchanged.

As I drink my coffee
I remember how we used to sit here
laugh away the pain
with jokes
and stolen kisses.

How you used to call me
in the middle of the day
tell me that you need to see me
and I’d come
and we would stay silent
for as long as we can
because you’re not sure
of what’s troubling you
but you are sure
that seeing me would take it all away.

I remember
that I used to ask you for help
and you’d tell me to come here
after you tell me that coffee can solve everything
and we’d drink coffee
and we’d hold hands
and every time it really worked
and every time everything was solved.

I remember how I used to tell you
that this place was our partner in crime,
the greatest witness of how our love has grown
and how it certainly would never fade
and right then
I remember why exactly I don’t like staying here for too long anymore
time around our coffee shop
gives space to the memories to choke me beneath them
gives space to my sadness to float
after I tried so hard to bury it
Time around our coffee shop
gives space to my belief to not exist
Love didn’t last
Our love didn’t last
Just like some promises don’t
It’s weird how I’d say this though
knowing that my love for you is still there,
But it’s now just mine,
now it’s your love that has gone.

Love now,
that I used to think of as my heaven,
has turned into this beast
that kills me slowly
reminding me
of how things that could have been,
never actually happened.

But life goes as it goes,
I remind myself
and sometimes
It’s just not how you want it to.

I’ve seen Ron hicks painting before
That stolen kiss
I wish I could draw
I’d have drawn the same painting,
This time the guy vanishes through.

I look around there’s too much work to do
thinking of you won’t get them done
I write
but the first sentence is not what I should be working on
The first sentence comes out a question,
Why
can’t we stop love from stopping
Why can’t we keep our hearts beating for each other
Keep them from drifting apart
I miss you, I love you
But there’s nothing I can do if you choose to leave.
I write this
and I hear the door making that creaking soind
I look, like I always do and it’s you,
Just not alone this time,
Just not with me
Just not here for me.

Not until our eyes meet
that I realize I’ve been looking at you
for too long,
and I’ve been feeling a lump down my throat
all since I saw you
We say nothing
exchange absolutely no words
I’d not have said anything anyway
that lump would have come in the way
or unleashed only with crying.

A smile from the corner of your mouth
A similar from mine
Then nothing.

You can’t keep a heart from feeling
I tell myself.
You can’t keep him from loving again
Just like you can’t keep yourself from loving him either
And I realize
Maybe I don’t want to stop loving you
Maybe I don’t even want to love anyone else
And when I look at you
I know I can’t ask for the love
that was turned off
to have fire in it once again
I know I can’t ask you to love me again
but I also know
I don’t want to forget you,
Just maybe
I don’t want to remember you anymore. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author
An Egyptian medical student who believes that words can heal a wound and that good food and good books can fix two thirds of our problems. Follow Mariem on Instagram or read more articles from Mariem on Thought Catalog.

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