I don’t believe in the whole “fall for someone who can make you happy” or “fall for the one who does this and that”. Somehow I think you can’t really tell someone who to fall for. It takes away the whole meaning of “falling in love”. You see, to really fall in love is to have your heart beating for someone, with no explanations and no predicting signs. It happens in a heartbeat and could last a lifetime and most of the times if it’s really true and you were asked how it happened, you would say it just happened. You looked at that certain someone and knew that he or she was the one. That is all it takes actually. So, I can’t tell you how to fall in love because that just flows naturally. However, there’s something I could tell you. I could tell you some warning signs why you should leave your partner.
Although I agree we have no choice over who we love, I believe we have every choice possible with whom we want to continue our lives. One piece of advice you would wish someone had told you is that you would not want to live your life with someone who is toxic.
Here are a few signs to know your partner is a toxic person to you and you’d better leave them.
1. They don’t respect you.
There has to be respect in any relationship, and not like between a boss and an employee, that’d be boring. When your partner respects you then he respects what you do and who you are. He knows your worth and appreciates how valuable you are. So, if they cheat on you and think it’s okay to, if they insult you whether in front of people or just between you two, it’s not acceptable. That’s respect being lost right there.
2. They don’t trust you.
Trust is the base of any relationship. It is what keeps a love bond alive. So, If his actions are suspicious and he says it’s because he’s just jealous or he cares too much about you, you have to draw a line and know he should not confuse your understandings about the difference between jealousy and lack of trust. Also, if they lie to you then something must be wrong. Lovers shouldn’t lie to each other. They should be each other’s favorite secret place. So, first you try to fix that but if the lying continues then that is probably something you can’t help him with.
3. They make you doubt yourself.
If they make you think that you are not good enough all the time, that you should be happy they’re with you then you must make an end to that. The truth is you are good enough and will always be, sometimes it just takes the right person to see it. Loving them was good enough and if they can’t see that they might as well not deserve it.
4. They stand in your way.
We want to help each other grow and we always grow with love. That is what your relationship is about. The concept of “sharing” is all about prospering together, shining together. So if your partner does the opposite of that, if they don’t support you or help you reach your dreams, if they even happen to trivialize them then maybe it’s time you envision how your life can be without them. Maybe then you’d understand what a setback they were in your life when they didn’t believe in you like they should have.
5. They keep hurting you.
Whether they do it physically or emotionally, it’s unacceptable. Again, please, don’t confuse supremacy with love. If you realized that they hurt you in any way, just leave. When you get into a relationship, you attempt to heal each other not break each other. You don’t need anyone who continues to break you, especially not a partner.
6. They don’t appreciate your presence.
“Love is not finding someone you can live with, it’s finding someone you can’t live without.”I have contradictory thoughts about this saying but it is the feeling it delivers me that I can relate to. What is love between two people if not a desire to age together and be together till death do them part. So, if they don’t feel the same way about you or don’t care if they saw you leaving then why bother and stay. You must be sure your partner craves you in his journey and no one else. That is a passion for one another that some people fail to keep in a relationship for too long. So if you noticed that it’s not there, start asking yourself and your partner if it ever was.
7. They don’t make an effort.
I once said that love alone can make beautiful things but it takes effort to maintain them. This actually works on so many levels and on relationships no less. You two must be willing and pulling an effort to make your relationship work, not just one of you. Still you have to talk to them. It’s a must. Don’t get disappointed in them too fast. Some people really need to have things pointed at for them to get it.
But if you already tried to grab their attention to what you want them to observe, if you told them that it might make you feel better if you two had some time alone or if they remembered your birthday or if they helped with your work or held your hand when you’re tired or whatever would interest you if they did it but they still didn’t care to help you with that or make it for you, that’s no effort at all and that is a big sign.
8. They make you feel uncomfortable.
You don’t have to be with someone just because they are good. I know a lot of people who have stayed in relationships just because their partners were good people and leaving them would hurt them. That’s partly true, leaving them would hurt. But you know what happens! They stay in a relationship they don’t like. Are they happy? The answer is no. Do they make their partners happy, the answer is also no. If that is not hurting your partner I don’t know what is. At the same time, you can’t just dump a person because he’s not right for you. It’s harsh, cruel and stupid. You were wrong to get into a relationship that didn’t interest you enough in the first place. So, you will have to talk it out. If you really think they are good, you must always stay good to them but don’t oppress them with you, neither with a relationship where you can’t love them nor with leaving them without giving them explanations, real honest explanations.
9. You feel like you are losing yourself when you’re with them.
I like to think that when we fall in love, it’s finally part of ourselves finding us back. It’s the universe colliding to give us part of what we once lost when the world was first created. It’s our paths finally meeting, our paths that were meant to intersect someday somehow no matter how many years they seemed like they were on different galaxies. So, if your relationship feels like a series of changes you do to yourself to suit other people or your partner or if it feels like a permanent mask you wear because you can’t be yourself then it’s probably time to go.
Naguib Mahfouz, an Egyptian novelist, once said: “The highest level of happiness is to find someone who really loves us, who loves us for what we are, or more precisely, in spite of what we are.” In spite of what we are is that what we might think of as flaws, a lover would see as merits. A real lover wouldn’t change you and wouldn’t let you lose yourself and he certainly should not be the reason you do.
10. They don’t feel like home.
Your partner must be the shoulder you lean on unapologetically. The eyes that look at your scars and believe they are beautiful. The hands that give you safety above anything else. So if they can’t give you that along with other important things, consider leaving.
You see, you won’t leave until you try one time, two times…
Give your partner a second or third chance but at some point this has to end.
Our life may be full of mistakes but it should not itself be a mistake!
You decide when to end a relationship but keep in mind that you deserve to be loved well. And despite your lack of self confidence, you know you do.
You deserve the lover who waits for you like you wait for him.
Who gives you as much as you give him.
You deserve to know that such love exists.
Such love you are willing to give
don’t settle for less.