When You Don’t Know Where Home Is

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

You wake up. Your legs drive you to the bathroom like they always do in the morning. You are getting ready for another day at work. You know nothing new will happen today. It’s just another day. You are expecting all its drama already. You haven’t yet realized what you know but you feel it. It’s going to be the same routine.

You hit the road. Nothing new. Just the little traffic problems. You take the same way to work. The one you think you have memorized but actually have missed a lot of the life happening on its sides. You don’t notice that either.

The day starts as normal as it usually does but today something happens. You trigger a fight with your boss, a friend says some silly comment, you spill coffee on your shirt. What matters is that something happens. For a moment you don’t realize what that thing is but you are angry and suddenly you are asking yourself this one question, what am I doing here.

Going home today is different.

You have a new thought in mind. Something you haven’t asked yourself for quite some time now. What am I doing here. Where is home. Where is my home. What’s wrong with my life .

You’re a grown up. The silent uproar inside your head is a little bit over. Now you try to think about today’s questions after you have made yourself some coffee. You ask yourself again, “Is there anything good that I’m doing with my life, what brought me into this house and work and body”.

For a moment you really don’t know where is home and you feel like this is now your biggest problem.

You feel like you don’t know the right from the wrong, you can’t separate your personal life from the world. You both are one. Still things seem distorted. Principles seem destroyed. You feel deluded, by anything and by everything. For a moment there, you have confused all the definitions you’ve known your whole life. It all looks different. You feel different.

We are grown ups and the truth about grown ups, my dear, is that they’re now too busy to think. The problem actually never was that you asked yourself where your home is. The problem is that we don’t do that every now and then.

Sometimes we become too busy with living that we miss questioning our lives. We become too busy running that we forget to ask ourselves why we’re running at all.

Unfortunately, a lot of us don’t understand that asking ourselves that doesn’t mean the answer should be discouraging. Like yes you’re right, why are you running, now stop. No this is not it. This is not how the answer should always be like.

It’s true sometimes the question is a guide that shows you a whole new way and tells you that you’re standing on the wrong side of the wall so it’s more than okay to climb over it now, but sometimes it’s nothing but a light that makes the road in which you already are more clear .
When you ask yourself where is your home,sometimes this question will drive you an old family album and it’ll tell you to reunite with them. Sometimes it’ll take you to the phone to call an old friend and just say hi.

Sometimes it’ll take you back to the piano classes you’ve stopped ten years ago.

When you ask yourself where is home, sometimes it’ll remind you of the only one who made a home out of your heart and told you how you can make a home out of his then left you dumbed in the streets, homeless and with an emotional void you feel can’t be filled. And sometimes this only reminds you how you should be your only home.

Sometimes it reminds you to be grateful for all the love stories you’ve had and all the ones that never were because both made you the person you are today.

When one asks himself where is home, when one doubts his life decisions, sometimes all that shows up in his mind is the mistakes that are too big to hide, the ones that look like they’ll be stuck with you forever. But truth is most times if one believed enough that he can write his own destiny, this will only point out to the will he should never desert, the one he should adapt now to help him get up stronger and more determinant to make good things and dreams come to life because in real life big failures won’t be wiped by erasers but they’re definitely erased by bigger successes.

When we lose something that matters, we look for it.

We dig, we search, we spend a time knowing this time ain’t wasted, we make an effort to get it back, because we know it matters, we realize its worth.

When you tell yourself that home is where the heart is but you don’t know where that is anymore.
When you wonder about the point of your existence and everything around you is telling you “just because you should,” with no further explanations and then this answer doesn’t feel like it’s enough, Something still doesn’t feel right, something is still missing, then you look for a better answer.

Because dear, you should know that all time can be wasted but never a time wasted on looking for a meaning of life.

When you ask yourself a question about your home and when the sounds inside you are growing with “what’s the point”,you answer them before they grow atrocious. You answer them before you feel more lost and before they become a daily nagging ritual that causes your life struggles to be more hard to live through.

Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

Now you answer those sounds because that’s how you find meanings. TC mark

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