Why Love Is A Matter Of Circumstance

I’ve always thought that love was black and white, that if you love someone, that was it. All the obstacles would be overcome and that it would end in happily ever after because wasn’t it already a miracle to find someone who loved you back in the first place? Can’t that miracle take flight and rise above everything?

However, it seems that as we grow up, the simplicity of life and the simplicity of feelings begins to be entangled in a thread of extraneous variables. What once was our straight vision of happily-ever-after will become nothing but a fairytale — an optimistic and naïve view of how life was supposed to be played out, shown to us by controllable media. It’s not to say that happily-ever-after doesn’t exist, but it may not be that “true love’s kiss will break all negativity and evil parents” we’ve all been dreaming of.

One thing in the media’s portrayal remains true — there will always be obstacles in love. Whether it may be to overcome our own scars and fears, overcoming temptations, assumptions, misunderstandings, maybe even irrational people, financial disparities, maturity levels, disapproving parents, or even evil stepmothers, it comes down to having similar outlooks and open-mindedness. No couple is going to truly be a perfect fit for each other, but with compromise and the desire to truly understand what each other values, you will become that compatible pair. It doesn’t just happen, though. You learn to love the person that you’re with. That’s why it’s falling in love — it’s not “thunderstruck in love” or instantaneous love. There is a certain time period where you’re just falling because you’re learning the best and worst about the other person.

However, love isn’t a one-time deal — for some it may be, but for most people, it takes a couple of tries to find someone who will meld together with them into each other’s perfect puzzle piece. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not because you didn’t love all of the previous people you fell in love with, but it’s because you didn’t exactly fit together. Think of them as that puzzle piece we tried to pair up together because it looked like they would fit, and maybe one part of the piece clicked, but no matter how hard we tried, not its entirety.

Love isn’t just a matter of feeling. It’s a matter of circumstance. Many people have stated that timing is everything, but I believe circumstance is that umbrella which encompasses timing, personal development, and personal stability.

No matter how much you love someone, if their career takes them away, if they’re struggling personally and financially, or if you’re both simply adjusting into two different phases of life, it will most likely not work out or it will be extremely difficult to see eye-to-eye or even spend time with each other. To put it simply, if you can’t keep yourself afloat, stable, or happy just yet, you won’t really have the time to fully cherish someone else in your life.

There are times in life where regardless of how in love you are, the circumstances don’t add up to keep each other in your lives. The circumstances have to be right: when you’re mature enough to handle the commitment, the conflicts and the differences in a relationship, and also when you’re stable enough to have the freedom to dedicate your time, money, and efforts to making another person happy. You have to love yourself first, love your life second, and only then can you fully love and commit to another person and maintain a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – Matteo Parrini

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